UnSpoken

"1st" Boyfriend

So it was the 7th grade and there was this guy I really liked and we have been texting for a few weeks not talking about anything serious. However Ethan was super cute and I really did like him. I have known Ethan since the 4th grade. So here goes the Full Story with no lies or cover ups just honest truth.

It was the nearing the end of the school year of my 7th year in the lovely public school system. I was texting Ethan for weeks and weeks and we weren't share G rated texts but let's remember it was the 7th grade so it was like PG-13 at the worst but 7th grade me thought it was rated R. I was having a good time texting him we talked in the 8th pd that we shared and it was really fun and great. He texted me one day and it felt out of the blue. He asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend and I was shocked and surprised. A boy liking me how great is this, honestly it was one of the best days of my life. I never thought I was super pretty or attractive at all so when Ethan asked me out I couldn't text back Yes fast enough. I was over the moon and the stars. So when we see each other in the morning the next day. I was holding his hand as he walked me to class. What I didn't notice was how weird he was being like he didn't want to be around me, I know I felt it but I just ignored it completely. This went on for a few days and we or more I started to tell people when it was a week in. I was so happy, I am not a morning person but when I got up I knew that I was going to see my boyfriend my very 1st boyfriend so for a few weeks I couldn't wait to go to school. So let's skip ahead to 3 days before the break. 3 days before be was acting so weird and wanted to stay far away from me as possible and didn't talk to me in class 2 days before I told myself that I wanted better and that I was going to talk to him and see what's going on with him. 1 day before he was know where to be found. Now it was a friday an all Period day in middle school. I couldn't find and talk to him in the morning so I nervously waited for the last period (8th pd) to talk about things. He was late to class so I waited till the end. At this point in the day I said if he doesn't want to fix his attitude towards me or doesn't want to talk I was going to break up with him. So the bell rang and he tried to run out of class but I stopped him before he could leave. He told me we were over and I wanted to cry so badly but I didn't. No one has ever seen me cry in public and I wasn't going to do it over some boy. So what did I ever do? I held back my tears for an hour when I told my best friend ,at the time, I let ONE tear go and it was an 25 min bus ride and a 10 min walk home for after 35 min I got home and cried so hard but only for 2 mins that all the tears I gave him was 2 mins and than I stopped and pushed my feelings down and ignored it and him. What was killing me the most was not know why or what happen was it me or something so I sent him a message on facebook and no replied and Ethan wouldn't talk to me in person so I just didn't know what happened. However I did find out what happen. Fast Forward to about a year later I find out what really happened from a now really good guy friend. The reason why we broke up was that fact that it was a JOKE! Ethan's friends dared him it ask me out as a joke and didn't think I would say yes to him. My feels to these boys were a joke and meant nothing to them they where just mean people who shattered my heart completely.

After I found out I shoved my feelings down and didn't deal with it. This is the 1st time I was told the whole truth about what happened but I don't count him as my 1st boyfriend. If people asked how many guys have I dated I say none. so I sit here writing this and being in 11th grade now it still hurts me to think about. To this day that I and writing this I have never dated someone or have been kiss. What happen in the warm weather of 7th grade feels like yesterday when I talk about it. I am sharing this with you to remember don't play with people's emotions on purpose.