Why am I so alone? Like, I get people need space, but I think years should have been enough for everybody. I was always alone. Naturally unlikeable. Introvert. Whatever you wanted to call it, I was it.
I was so unlikeable, I even hated myself. I barely looked in the mirror anymore and I always acted differently at school. The only reason I did this was so that I could feel wanted, not different like I always was. I don't know when this all started, the depression I mean. I had never been prescribed, but I knew I had it. I knew it wasn't normal to hate yourself so much you changed how you acted and wanted yourself dead at the same time. Maybe I was just born into this like a kid is born into royalty, but instead of a throne to sit on I had a bed of lies.
Well, I could always end it, I mean nobody will notice, nobody will care. Nobody will think twice about me missing from school, even my 'friends' who always pick on me about wearing too much makeup or being a little bit overweight. Not my fault I ate my feeling out to the point it became an addiction I couldn't stop.
But then again, nobody cares how I felt. Sister always yelling at me to shut up, parents always too busy for me, and 'friends' always just forgetting about me until I'm convenient for them to talk to.
I don't want to be like this. I want to be loved. I want to be wanted. I want to be happy again. I want a second chance to be me, to be who I really want to be instead of this image I'm trying to create to fit into society. Society shouldn't tell me who to be, but I let them. I let them judge. I let them control my life to a point of internal suffering that couldn't be ended.
So that's why I'm here, with a little black pocket knife, a bottle of pills, and a tub of water. This surely would do the trick. I won't be who I was. I don't even remember that person. I don't know who I am anymore. I can't decide if I'm angry or disciplined, I can't decide weather I'm happy or sad, it's all just blended together into something so numb I can't feel my emotions.
But one day this all changed. I met somebody that I could be real with. Somebody just like me. Somebody that could know what I was going through since they had been a victim of society, too.
I knew this was going to be hard, but I knew we could do it. I knew that we could get through this. If not alone, than together.
