In The Blink Of An Eye

Chapter 3

We had started packing up my room and parkers old room. what am i gonna do, i cant just leave everyone behind, leave my home, the place i grew up, the only home ive ever known. i turned on some music and turned it up as loud as it would go to drown out my thoughts.

i had packed up all my clothes, jewelry, shoes, and makeup. i started taking pictures off my wall. there was a picture of me and parker, he was 7 and i was 5. he was dressed up as a power ranger and i was dressed up as a princess... pretty typical kids right? the next was a picture of mom and i at my senior prom. i can remember her telling me not to have sex and if i did she would find out and kill me... but of course i did and just like she said, she found out. the next was all of us at parkers graduation, everyone was smiling and happy... i wish we could still have that.

"hey, parker. should i start making donation bags for mom and dads stuff?" i yelled over the music

"yeah, go ahead."

i walked down the hall with about 6 flattened boxes. i opened their door and went straight for the clothes. i threw all the clothes into boxes, taped them shut, and labeled them 'goodwill'. i finally got to the end of the clothes when i found a big red clothes bag hanging from a hanger it the closet. pulled it out and layed it on the bed. i slowly unzipped it to see my moms wedding dress, i remember seeing pictures of her wedding and being so excited to get married, being the center of attention. i zipped it back up and hung it on the door.

i had finished packing up my parents room and piled the boxes in the corner. on my way out i grabbed the dress and headed back to my room. on my way there i passed parker who was in dads office, none of us were ever allowed in there... so i understand the desire to snoop. i drapped the dress over the computer chair and joined him at the several filing cabnets.

"found anything interesting yet?" i asked

"no, just bill and stuff." he said

i went to the only unsearched filing cabnet... locked.

"where would dad hide a key?" i asked out loud.

"its taped under his top drawer." parker said.

"how do you know that?"

"a long time ago i saw him with the cabnet open, he locked it and tiptoed into his room where he taped it to the bottom of the drawer."

i got up and went to his dresser and pulled it out, and just like parker said, there was the key. i pulled off the tape and the key fell into my hand. i walked back into the room and unlocked all the drawers. there were probobly 20 files in the top drawer, it had some of parkers old school work, art, report cards, the usual. next one had every award certificate parker had earned. the one below that was pictures of parker, no files, just a drawer full of pictures. the last drawer had a single binder placed inside labled 'Tessa Marie ______'. i tapped parkers shoulders and eyeballed the binder.

"tess, before you open that, please just listen to me. mom and dad couldnt do it on their own..." he stopped dead in his tracks

i opened the binder to see page after page describing my situation, about how my 'mom' took me here at a week old. she was addicted to heroin, and couldnt afford me and her 'fix'... so she chose drugs over her daughter. there was a picture of her, dark brown hair, nose piercing, gages, tattoos, the whole shibang. next there were contract after contract sighned my my 'parents'. after those there were cute little contract parker scribble sighned promising to be a good big brother and stuff, he was only two.

i looked up at parker, tears in his eyes. he tried to say something he just couldnt. he placed his hands on the binder and shut it. "tessa, i wanted to say something, but i wasnt supposed to." he said apoligeticly.

"but i, i look like mom, i look like everyone. this is all just a joke right? something just to scare me right?" i asked hoping i was right

he reached into this chest and handed me a notebook. " mom wrote these."

I opened it to the first page and began reading. 'i wanted another kid, but it just wouldnt happen. we tried and tried...nothing. ryan didnt want an adopted child, he was furious at my choice to adopt, that he could never love a child that wasnt his, that he never would. he would only love a child that had a part of him in it, he would only love parker.he said he will treat the children equaly, but he wont love them equaly. he said that parker will always come first.' i stopped reading, i couldnt read anymore.

"so how was being loved by dad parker, was it nice to be loved?" i said on the edge of crying

"tess, i just, i mean i-"

"save it parker, why didnt you tell me sooner, was i never gonna know about this, was i gonna be kept in the dark?"

"TESSA! i wanted to tell you, i promise but i wasnt allowed to. dad said he was gonna punish me big time."

"wait, its all coming together. why dad and i never connected, why if i had soccer and you had basketball he would never come to my games. why he only had pictures of you in his wallet. WHY EVERY SINGLE LOCKED FUCKING DRAWER WAS FULL OF ALL OF YOUR SHIT AND NONE OF MINE!"

"Please, just calm down. just read some more of moms notebook, it explains stuff."

i opened it again and kept reading. 'we go to pick up our new babygirl tommorow. her room pretty and pink with a few touches of yellow. ive been preparing her room since the second i decided to adopt a babygirl. i try to get ryan to come into the room, critque my work. but we wouldnt, he wouldnt come near it.

WE GOT HER!!! she is finally ours, Tessa Marie Booth. shes perfect... except for one thing. tessa likes her dad... alot. this is gonna be a problem. she crys when anyone else holds her besides her daddy. but he doesnt even hold her, she is leaned up against his slightly bent arm and isnt remotely close to him, doesnt look comfortable. but she is just sitting there, looking at the scowl on her dads face.' i looked away from the page and up at parker.

"what was this suppost to do? help me? case it just showed me how badly my dad didnt want me."

"skip to page 11"

i skipped to the page and kept reading ' ive been busy beyond belief and completly forgotten about the notebook. tessa is 11 months and finally has said her first word... and guess what it fucking was... it was dada. he was holdig her and she looked up at him and said it... dada. he sat her down on the ground, got up and went to his office closing the door behind him. tessa cried histericaly, i tried to calm her down... but that wasnt happening. i pulled out a picture of his and sat it outside her playpen. she smashed her face against the mesh so she could see the picture properly. my little princess.'

"parker, i dont think you get it. reading this isnt helping me."

"well then dont read it... but i want you to keep it with you. for when your down. theres actualy some cute stories in there."