You Might Aswell (a Tegan and Sara fanfic)

There's A War Inside Of Me

"Do you want to borrow some clothes by the way?" Sara asked as she got up, pushing her hair behind an ear. "Tegan and I might have some old ones that could fit you." She suggested kindly.

"Seriously? Yes please!" Ebbie exclaimed excitedly, her pale eyes wide. There was a noise to her left and the pair looked to see Tegan.

"Hey Sara. Hey Ebbie." Tegan said as she shrugged off her leather jacket. "You doing okay?" She directed the question at Ebbie.

Ebbie looked suddenly more saddened, as if there was something she was reminded of. Sara quietly left the bunk area and left Tegan to deal with it, and Tegan sat next to Ebbie on the bunk.

"Hey," said Tegan, as she pushed a lock of hair behind Ebbie's ear. "Look up, tell me what's wrong."

Ebbies eyes filled with tears that slowly dripped down her face and off her chin. She snuffled. "Well, there's this girl, and she's still there. I miss her so much and I don't know whether or not she's okay." Ebbie briefly explained to Tegan . "She's called Beth and she's so amazing and I don't know how to manage without her." She cried.

"Don't cry Ebbie, please, I'm sure she's okay." Tegan said softly to calm the sobbing girl .

"I hope so, but, that place is so terrible, you don't know how bad it is and we've been trying and trying to escape and. . . She just. . . Didn't come with me."

Tegan's face showed confusion. "That place?" She asked, not knowing how much more to this story there was.

"They called it 'The Hospital', I was put there when I was seven and a half years old. I don't think anyone knows it's there, under the floorboards, with concerts going on above." Ebbie's eyes welled up again and she found it difficult to speak around the lump that seemed to form in her throat. "They did things to us. They. . . They. . . Would hurt us."

  "What the- why?" Tegan stopped herself from swearing and asked the big question.

  "Because-" Ebbie sniffed, "because we're different." She said, hugging her knees and slowly rocking back and forth.

  Tegan put her arm around the small girl and rubbed circles on her back. "Awh, Ebbie, different how?" She asked, tears welling up behind her eyes.

  "We don't want to be who we were born as. They were trying to 'fix' us. . . . I- I really hate them." Ebbie said as tears rolled down her face and dripped off her nose.

  "Who do you want to be?"

  "A- a boy. . ." Ebbie shrank away from Tegan's touch. "Please don't hate me."

  "Ebbie. Ebbie listen to me." Tegan tilted Ebbie's head up gently to look at her. "Of course I don't hate you. I hate them for doing this to you. But I do not hate you, and you shouldn't hate you either! You are who you are, and the sooner everyone accepts that the better. You should express yourself however you want to and not be ashamed of yourself." Ebbie's eyes lit up while Tegan talked and they were finally filled with hope.

  Tegan looked at Ebbie's face which was practically shining, and suddenly had an idea. "How about we go and get you a haircut, and some clothes that you actually want to wear!" Tegan suggested. Ebbie's excitement was clear to see. "Oh, and what would you like to be called, as, i suppose you would like to have a new identity as well, yeah?" Ebbie nodded enthusiastically.

  "Ethan!" Said Ethan, finally beginning to feel like the boy he had always wanted to be.

  "Okay then Ethan, our next tour stop is LA, and as luck would have it we have a day to ourselves before the concert. When we get there, let's go shopping, and you can feel a bit more like yourself hopefully." Tegan said kindly while giving Ethan a hug.