Lost It All (Andy Biersack)

Chapter 20

(Listen to Hello-Adele while reading this chapter)
March 17th, 2015

Andy's POV
   It's almost been a month since she died. The days go slow, as they past. Her presence still lingers around me. It's like she's not gone, but she is. I never got to say goodbye to her. Her death has affected the whole band. Jinxx and Sammi constantly have secret discussions, but I choose to ignore them. Her love was like a drug, and it's haunting me everyday. Emily I need you, I need you more than ever. Please, come back.

"Andy, we're here." Jake says, shaking me out of my thoughts.

   I groan and get up from my seat. Walking off the plane, taking in the cool air. We have arrived in Germany, for the third leg of the Black Mass tour. Emily was supposed to join us, but she can't. Since she's gone, Sammi, Ella, and Liz decided not to come with us as well. Oh Emily.

"Is it too late to cancel?" I mumble, as we walk inside of the airport.

"Yes Andy, we're already here. Too late to turn back now." CC says and puts his hands into his pockets.

   CC hasn't been his crazy, cheerful self lately. Emily and him were really great friends. She was like a sister to him, so he took her death pretty hard as well. Jake has been grumpy, instead of nice and happy. Ashley just stays to hisself, doesn't talk that much. Jinxx on the other hand. He's been the same, strangely. Maybe he's just trying to keep strong for all of us.

   I grabbed my bag, and followed the others out to the bus. Once we got to the bus, I chose my bunk and sat in it. That's pretty much what I'm going to do all tour. Sleep, smoke, do a show, and sit in my bunk. I'll eat whenever I'm hungry, and occasionally I'll have a drink. I've been staying away from alcohol , since what happened last time.

*Flashback*

  I stumbled to the couch, with a bottle of  Jack Daniel's whiskey in my hand. Running my fingers through my hair, as memories of Emily flooded my brain. God I miss her like hell.

"Why did you have to die Emily? Why couldn't it be me?" I slur, as I take another drink from the bottle. "You're too innocent for death, too young!" I yell.

"Andy?!" Someone yells, walking into the house.

"She's can't be gone.." I mumble. "She's not dead. She's not dead!" I yell, throwing the bottle at the wall.

   The bottle shatters into pieces, liquid spilling onto the ground. Leaving me with no drink, and an angry drunk self.

"Andy!" A voice yells.

   I know that voice anywhere.

"Emily.." I say and look up.

   She's there, staring at me with tears in her eyes. Alive, and in the same room as me.

"Andy, you can't do this to yourself.." She cries, and walks over to me.

   She crotches down infront of me. Tears start to escape my eyes, as I look at the beauty infront of me. She's actually here, she's not dead. I let out a sob, and close my eyes. Slowly, I wrap my arms around her. Making sure she's actually here. Immediately she hugs back, and cries in my arms. The moment feels so real.

   Then, she's no longer in my arms. Someone is shaking me. I open my eyes, and see a very concerned Jinxx. Hallucination, damn being drunk.

"She's gone Jinxx. She was just here, but now she's gone!" I cry, hearing a muffled sob in the other room.

"I'm sorry Andy." Jinxx says, as he helps me sober up.

*End Of Flashback*

   I wiped the tears, off my cheeks. Get out of my bunk, and walk outside, to have a smoke. Smoking is something I've been using, to take away the pain. Others have a blade, I have a cancer stick. I've been smoking all my life pretty much, but since Emily died. It became a constant, had to do it whenever I thought about her. Slowly I'm killing myself, but I don't care. If it means that I'll be with Emily, then it's the risk I'm willing to take.

"Andy, you have to stop." Ashley says, as he walks out of the bus.

"You're finally talking." I mumble and take another drag.

"Listen, I know you know Emily's death has affected us all." He says, and I flinch at the sound of her name. "Sorry." He sighs, noticing me flinch.

   I throw the cigarette on the ground, and put my foot on it. Twisting my foot around, to make sure the cigarette is put out.

"Ashley. I have this feeling, that's she's still here. Alive and breathing. Out there living, while I'm here, still affected my her. But if she was, she would've contacted me by now." I inform him, and he pats my back.

"Andy, if she's still here. She'll find her way back to you. Trust me, the Emily we knew. She'll be back, if she's alive. You never know she might be, there never was a funeral." He assures me, and my eyes widen.

"There wasn't a funeral. Jinxx sa-" I start to say.

"Jinxx told you that, just so you wouldn't have to worry about it. There never was a funeral Andy." He says, then walks back onto the bus.

   I stand there, thinking about what Ashley said. I push it to the back of my head and walk back on the bus. As I walk into the lounge area, a phone buzzes. I pick the phone up and look at the screen.

From: Sammi
It's happening again Jinxx..

   Seeing the message, let's me know it's Jinxx's phone.

"Jinxx! Your phone!" I yell.

   Jinxx comes into the room and silently thanks me as he takes his phone. As he looks as the screen, his face goes pale. I wonder what's happening again...

"Shit.." He mumbles, then his phone starts to ring.

   Jinxx leaves the room, heading for the bunks. I sit on the couch and get caught in my thoughts. From the bunk area you can hear talking, guessing Jinxx is on the phone with Sammi. A phone from the bunk area then goes off. Getting tired of being in the lounge, I head for the bunks. I walk in and see Jinxx siting in his bunk with his head in his hands. Deciding not to mess with him, I climb into my bunk and close the curtain. Slowly I fall asleep, only to have a dream about Emily..

Oh Emily..

*End of Chapter 21*