eyes

dying eyes

( WHOA WHOA WHOA TW OVERDOSE and SUICIDE isn't it kinda obvious by the chapter name tho it's really long too yay? )

this is sad.
watching them fade. painfully slowly.
undeservingly.
it's my fault. i let them fall into this.
they trusted me and this is what they got.
sitting in the corner of the room, dead eyes staring, at nothing in particular.
it's tragic really. so much ahead of them, but now they're full to the goddamn brim with drugs and over the counter meds because of me.
why'd they trust me? why do they always trust me of all people? sigh.

it's things like these that cause eternal guilt for me. i still feel guilty for the very first death, and every one since. now i'm watching the,... hmm, 9th death that is partly my fault happen, slowly. and there's nothing i can do. i've already sworn i wouldn't try to help, and it's not like i can just call an ambulance... they've stopped coming to help. i'll "die" with this one anyways, so what's the point? this happens to every child they've given me, but they all die in a different way. every time, luci assures me everything will be alright and that i did good but i don't know that i believe him at this point. i'm tired. i think i'm done now. 9 kids is enough. i'm quitting after this.

i hear a beep and glance down at my watch.
5 minutes left. i arrange the pill bottles into a hastened state. and then i wait. i begin to feel the effects of the medicine cocktail, and nearly fall to my knees, muttering under my breath, "shit." i fall onto the ground, feeling everything slowing drastically. and then i'm back and luci is leaning over me. "you have got to stop doing that." i mutter. he shrugs. "welcome back." it feels good to hear his voice again. "i'm done with this job." i mutter, wrapping a blanket around me and laying down. as i start to fall asleep, i hear luci say clearly, "we'll talk about this later."

( a/n : whoa. this one was long, hope you guys like it. it's weird i know. and luci is exactly who you may or may not think he is. there's a few cuss words oops )
( update : CHANGED ONE TINY WORD LMAO I'LL POST SOON HOPEFULLY)
(small edit 3/10, will post 2 new chapters eventually.)