out of focus /// c.h.

one

"crying is how your body speaks when your mouth can't explain the pain you feel" - unknown

I sat in the bar stool spinning around and trying to focus on my phone. I took large sips of my drink feeling myself getting more loopy by the second I check my phone and see that it was 1:00 am. Time to leave. I got up and slowly made my way home. I walked up to my little house and adjusted my sweatshirt and leggings. I slowly opened the door and slid into the entryway.

I pressed myself against the wall and tried to be as quite as I could. I tiptoed up the stairs trying to avoid the creaky stair. I made my way to my room and shut my door. I threw on a 'The Neighborhood" t-shirt and some shorts. I sighed in relieve and layed on my bed. The alcohol that I drank earlier sank in and I dozed off.

1:57

I woke up to the sound of my door being swung open. I looked up to see a huge figure towering over me. My father.

"Where the fück were you dumb bitch." He screamed as I tried to get my thoughts together.

"I was out, just down the street." I whispered. His face scrunched up with a smirk.

"Oh and I bet one of your boyfriends was there. You fucking skank." He yelled as his fist came in contact with my ribs,

"STOP, DAD! STOP FUCKING STOP!!" I yelled as he kept punching me. He stopped briefly and stared into my eyes,

"Don't ever yell at me or cuss at me again dumb bitch, get out of my house. Now!" He said as he pulled me by my wrist out of bed and pushed me down the stairs. A yelp escaped my mouth as I grabbed my purse and vans as I  pleaded to him,

"Please let me stay. I have nowhere left to go."

"To bad. "  He said as he opened the door and threw me down the concrete stairs and slammed the door. I stood up and started walking. I didn't know where I was going but I knew I could not go back home.

I painfully walked for about an hour and finally arrived at a crowded bar. I ran into the bathroom and examined myself in the mirror. Bruises marked my face and wrists. I lifted my shirt to see huge ones on my stomach. I could barley breath without it hurting. I tried to fix myself as much as I could and made my way out to the bar.

I chugged three glasses of water as people looked my way, clearly judging my appearance. I got slammed in the side by a group of girls. And held back my screams. I slowly made my way out of the bar and found a bench about 20 feet away. I sat on it and cried, I cried for so long. Huffing and puffing, having an anxiety attack. I tried to calm down but I couldn't. I got off the bench and moved to an alley way another 5 feet away. I sat against the wall and took out my wallet. $400. That's all I had. I put it back in my purse and cried more than before.

After sitting in the against the wall for about 35 minutes I heard someone walking in the alleyway. I sat up straight and tried to contain myself. I wasn't able to and started crying more. I shut my eyes and put my head down. The footsteps got closer and closer. I felt a hand on my knee and I started screaming.

"GET OFF OF ME DONT TOUCH ME!" I said as the figure jumped back. He muttered a string of apologies as I said I was sorry for yelling. I slowly got up and tried to leave the area. He followed slowly after and as soon as we got in the light he gasped.