Saviours || Bucky Barnes [2]

Forgetting Troubles

Oh, I'm sure you're going to absolutely love the end of this chapter. Wink ... Wink ...

Avengers: The Age of Ultron | Saviours | Forgetting Troubles

The strawberry scented suds slowly trickled down Avery's back as the warm, near cold water drenched her body. She scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed a little harder each time until her human skin was almost raw and blotchy, she couldn't seem to get rid of the dirtiness she saw on herself every day. She didn't cry, but traitor tears silently fell against her pale cheek.

Yesterday was like hell; not only had she been forced to relive her most terrifying nightmares that constantly plagued her, but other issues that should have been long forgotten had risen to the surface once again. It's like the Universe never seemed to want to give her a break – didn't she deserve one? But then, all those people she's maimed and killed over the years came rushing back to her - this was her punishment, for something she couldn't fully control.

There was one thing that always came back to her above the rest, though – why didn't she just end it all? Everyone would have been safe; hundreds of people would be alive today if she hadn't existed. When her scattered memories came back all those times before, why hadn't she just given up her life to save countless others? But in her heart, she already knew why she kept going. This was for two reasons...

James and Steve.

James Buchanan Barnes, the love of her life, her soul-mate. Steve Rogers, her younger twin. Even though she was sure all those times before that they believed her to be dead, she couldn't give up. It's probably why she started remembering a lot during her time as the Winter Soldier. There weren't too many triggers, unfortunately, but memories of her two boys were always the ones that started to bring her back. And even though she had all her memories back now – she still didn't feel complete. She felt cold and empty, like she couldn't be loved by these two people she's known her whole life.

Yes, both her boys have stated more than several times that her past didn't matter to them – that the things she's done or caused were the fault of Hydra and not herself, she just couldn't fully convince herself of that. And she didn't think that they really could fully forgive her, even after knowing them both for so long. She could remember the shock and disbelief her own brother felt the moment she mentioned the Maximoff twins being part of her doing, and she knew, deep down, he couldn't believe it to be fully true.

And at that; she knew that if he or James ever fully witnessed or imagined the more terrible things she's done in the past, they wouldn't be so quick to say otherwise.

But at the same time, she truly wanted to believe them. She wanted what her old life consisted of; the love James had expressed to her. She longed to be held, to be told everything would be okay and that this was just a rough patch in this dreadful, painful life.

Honestly, she was just utterly confused about everything.

Ava twisted the water knob on the wall to end the waterfall above her head. She drained as much water as possible from her hair before stepping out of the shower, standing on a furry bath mat underneath to stop the floor from becoming soaking wet.

Looking up from her spot, she stared at herself in the mirror plastered on the wall.

There stood a young woman with old, dark eyes glistened with a hazel tint. Her hair was long and dark, a thick solid black but a few lines of a dirty brown began to peel through. Her skin was pale, but still had some sort of a tan mixed in so it didn't look like she spent all her time indoors. Avery could almost see herself change in that mirror, standing next to her was a mirror self of the old her. A young girl with bright adventurous eyes that always sparkled in the light, her hair tied into a braid that started from the top of her head and made it's way down her back. The old her just screamed content and happiness whereas this new her, it screamed the complete opposite – fear and helplessness burrowed deep beneath a cold and hardened exterior.