LITOST // ackerman

In the Beginning or maybe the End [part two]

Inside Wall Rose - 2 years after the fall of Wall Maria

   There's this false sense of hope the envelopes you as you feel yourself whisking away. It's like you know that you're dying, that your bodily system is failing. But there's this small spark of hope inside of you that tells you this is not the end or that it can't be the end. That you'll have more time.

   For Amane, that spark never came. Yet Levi shook with it inside himself as they rode into the gate of Wall Rose. The Captain didn't stop when he saw the crowd, he rushed forward on his horse. A few people shrieked before they began to disperse and let him through. On his tail was Erwin, calling his name, telling him to not be so reckless.

   He couldn't hear him. He couldn't hear anything over the sound of his breath and the faint whisper of her own. How she held on so long... he would never be more thankful for anything.

   Minima was already outside when he came to a halt at the infirmary. Riders had been sent ahead to tell of their wounded before they'd ever reached the gates.

   The doctor rushed to his side, two Rose Guild members behind her with a stretcher. "We'll take her now, Captain Levi," one of the men spoke. Levi slunk off the back of his horse, setting Amane onto the woolen-sheeted carrier.

   The girl let out a grunt, her eyes scrunching closed. There was a loud beeping-like sound in her ears. She felt the presence of the people around her but she couldn't speak or move. She wanted to know what was happening, but she couldn't ask.

   "Levi!" Erwin yelled, jumping from his horse to stand beside the other man. If his horse hadn't been trained enough it would've continued forward, but as soon as Erwin's body heat wasn't there it halted and gave out a whine. He collapsed a hand on Levi's shoulder as Amane was carried in. "She'll make it." She has to, he didn't add.

   Levi almost couldn't hear him. His heart was beating too loud and too fast. The pressure against his ribs made them throb.

   "..C'mon." Levi turned his head when Erwin climbed back on his horse. What the Commander had been saying he wasn't sure. "Staying here won't help anything. Let's go to the headquarters. We'll rest, then come straight back as soon as we can."

   "But Commander," another soldier brought his horse slightly forward, "we have to report and-and-"

   "And nothing. That girl is family not only to Levi, but to me." With that, Erwin's horse was trotting back down the street. Not everyone could see it but worry glared brightly in his eyes. If Levi hadn't known the Commander for so long and so well, he wouldn't have seen it either.

   The soldiers that had followed Erwin there began following him as he left, the one that had intended to argue with him muttering incoherently under his breath.

   There's no use in staying, Levi thought, Erwin is right.

   As he climbed back onto his own horse and began forward from the infirmary his jaw clenched. She was more stubborn than anyone he'd ever met, yeah, but did Erwin—did he—really think that was enough for her to pull through. Her wounds weren't going to be easy to deal with and who could guess where her head was at right now. Levi couldn't help the pit that grew in his stomach.

###

   "She's bled through the bandaging, again!" One of the helping nurses called, stripping the bloodied bandages from her right-side injuries. "We need to do something now! She'll bleed out!"

   Minima came to her side, carrying a bucket of alcohol and a cloth. One of the Rose Guild members from earlier stood behind her with a thin layer of stitches and a needle. "There's only so much we can do—with all these people." Her eyes danced around the room, but quickly fell back to Amane.

   "Then what are we going to do?" The nurse, whom Minima nudged aside, asked while watching the older woman began to dab the dampened cloth against the wounds. The girl in the bed tried to shrink away, but the second member of the Rose Guild had appeared and was keeping her down. His hands bloodied more and more the longer they were left to touch her.

   "Whatever we can. Levi would kill us if we let her die." Minima mumbled the last part, mainly speaking to herself. If she scared the others in room things might get out of hand, and with the wounded that everyone was steadily trying to help it would be an unnecessary evil to deal with then and there.

   Amane let a whimper out when the cloth came in contact with her ripped apart right side. A bit of bone was protruding from where her ribs had been crushed. The doctor's jaw clenched.

   Monsters, she thought, grabbing the stitching from the man behind her.

   She knew stitching wouldn't work by itself, but she needed to buy herself time. They didn't have the necessary supplies to help—at least not then. This would have to do for now. "Amane, if you can hear, please.. please, stay awake."

###

   When Minima emerged covered in an overly fair amount of blood, Levi felt his heart drop. The sudden impact of the realization caused him to miss a breath. She was dead. He looked down, his hands in fists.

   "Levi," the woman began, "I did what I could—"

   "And it wasn't enough." He spoke, cutting her off. His voice was thick with agitation. Two days, two damn days of this nonstop trying to save her. For what? Nothing! For nothing! He should have known she was too far gone. What could they have done? It wouldn't have been good enough, it wouldn't have helped.

   "It was enough to stabilizer her blood loss, counteract the shock and overall save her. For now." He looked up, his eyes wide. Minima noted the paleness of his features. When they came in that day—himself and Erwin—Erwin had told her that Levi found it hard to sleep, to eat, or to do anything while knowing that Amane was there. Half dead and currently dying.

   "She should be dead," Minima added, nodding. A nurse began from the room, carrying numerous bloodied towels. A man followed her, pushing a cart with numerous tools—most of which were lined in red—ahead of himself. "But I didn't agree with those damned Titan's thinking it was their choice to make for her."

   Levi felt his fists come apart as he stood. His throat was dry. He wanted to ask if it was true, but there was only one way to really trust her words that, at that point, seemed too sickly sweet. He didn't need to ask, Minima just nodded at him anyway. So he stepped ahead, going around her and moving past the curtain that blocked the room off.

   She was in a new bed, the other one pushed into the corner and covered in blood. Her blood, he thought, feeling the bile rise in him. He pushed it down as he looked on at her. Her skin was paler than his own, and her eyes were shut. The bandaging they had put over her damaged side was a pale shade of pink, but only in small splotches.

   Overall, she looked horrible. Drained. As if the life was sucked out of her and she should no longer be there. Yet she was.

   Levi moved to her side and sat on his knees. He pressed his forehead against the edge of the bed, the worry he had felt being brushed away as he heard her breaths. They were a bit uneven but just having them there—after everything—and still being able to hear them at all soothed him. It was better than any song could have ever been.

   Amane turned her head a bit, noticing the familiar tufts of hair at her side. She couldn't see his face and she wasn't entirely sure if she wanted to. But then, just having him there with her, eased the pain. She had asked Minima for no medicine, she wanted to feel everything. She had to. And so she did.

   Levi almost jumped up when he felt a hand brush through his hair—yet he kept himself steady, knowing it was the only other person in the room. She hadn't been asleep, he knew that, but he didn't want to disturb her. She needed peace. Rest. More than he did definitely.

   And so they sat like that. Her playing with his hair, combing through it with her fingers. Levi just sat there, letting her do it. He closed his eyes in time, relaxing under the feeling of her touch. An eased sigh left his lips, and Amane smiled. If he could've seen it though, he would have frowned. The smile wasn't the only emotion on her face, as silent tears rolled down her cheeks. They were slow, and soon enough they would become tragic.