Dear No One,
Hey, you've crossed my mind today. Well then I guess it's another usual day for me. I imagined you staring at me. Oh you know, with those hazel eyes of yours. Have I ever told you that it's the first thing I noticed about you. It's the first thing that I loved about you. But girls must say that a lot to you, or I at least think they do. When I didn't know you and when I was just silently at the corner studying you, I actually thought you'd be that bad boy I'd read so much about in love stories that obviously would never exist. That guy who gets all the girls with a single smile.
I loved staring at you. I find it cute how you'd look at me and I'd stare in the far off distance. You'd tell me to look at you, but I was afraid you know. Afraid if you'd stare back, and you'd see my walls go down and how my heart melts when you look at me. And how everything seems to revolve at that moment, just you and me.
It's gonna sound funny, but you seemed in love when you talked to me a while ago. You weren't afraid to show it, to say it and even mean it. But you said we'd remain friends.So I kept my distance. I treated you more than what should have been and you treated me like how I did to you. But why are we still friends?
You said you loved girls hair and how it smelled. It's weird how you like it, but it's weird that I remembered. And that day we hung out, I saw you first. I surprised you with a big tight hug. You said you loved it, you said you felt loved. You said you never felt like this before, that nobody treated you as special as I did. That nobody could have been as sweet and caring as I was to you. You made me feel like this was it, that we could have a chance.
Then you talked about her and I guess it punched me hard on the gut. That's why you wanted to stay friends. You love her. NO, you loved her. It was in the past because she never loved you back. I wanted to scream and tell you in the face that she doesn't feel the same for you. That you were stupid and naive. That you were so reckless. That you'd let her take you over, you made her your world while you were just her star. Yes, you were just her star. She didn't exactly need you, but you were always there.
I'd label us, we're complicated. You said we'd be friends. I said yes we shall. But both of us know that it's always gonna be more than that. I told you to move on from her first, you said you will. I said I'd be here for you. I said that I'd always be. But wouldn't it hurt to see the one you love try to get over the one he loves? It's like seeing him trade his face for a mask with a smile to show the world, to show you. To show you that he's happy and that he's fine like he claimed to be.
I don't know how we'll end up, but I just wanted to write this. You'll probably read this when I'm gone, but at least you'd know that I loved you more than a friend. And that I cared for you more than I should've. And everything I said, all my I love you's and I miss you's were real and they meant more to me than just friends. I just hope that one day you'd admit that when you said "we're just friends" you were actually saying it more to yourself than to me.
Love,
xEla
