Loyalty Is Everything

Calm Before The Storm

NIYAH

It's so much shit going on. Every since Wade came about with this bullshit. I haven't been able to sleep. Tossing & turning all night. Me & Cal have been doing nothing but arguing. Its almost like he knows. Or maybe it's just my guilt. Either way something has got to give.

The DNA test was taken yesterday. & we should have the results in five days. I was on pin & needles. I don't know, but for some reason I just knew this was Cal's baby.  I was simply nervous due to how this all could end.

"What's wrong?" Cal asked me. "Nothing, just a little nervous about the baby that's all" I told him as he began to rub my belly. "Don't worry about it, everything will be fine. She will be fine, YOU will be fine. You & Aaliyah are my world. I don't know what I would do if something bad ever happened to you two" he said to me in a sincere tone.

My eyes began to sting & the familiar taste of the salty tears forcing themselves out. I had began to get used to this feeling since finding out I was first pregnant. I hated that I was so emotional. Aaliyah was doing numbers on me & honestly I just couldn't wait till the little girl came out. I hate feeling so weak.

"Why are you crying Ni?" he asked me sounding just a tad bit irritated. "Why you sound like that?" I asked immediately shutting down my tears. "Nothing.. Its just you always crying" he said to me looking down. I instantly sucked my teeth .

Is this nigga fucking serious? Just that quick he turned something so sweet into something so sour. "Nigga, you think I wanna cry? You think I want my emotions all over the fucking place?! I didn't ask for this! I'm having your child. How about you carry her for 9 months then. How about that?!" I screamed at him. He looked at me & you can tell he was beating his self up in his head for saying those words.

"Look baby I'm sorry. I apoligize. That was insensitive of me. " He said & I didn't wanna hear that shit. "Look Cal It's too late, let's just drop it before it gets bigger. I don't need to stress out my baby anymore." I told him as he reached for my arm. Which I quickly snatched away. "Your baby?" he asked me as I struggled to get up by myself. "Yes" I said out of breath. "My baby" & I walked out. Leaving him to ponder in his thoughts.

I went to Aaliyah's nursery. Her walls painted pink & purple. Everything else in the room was creme with pink & purple splashed about. Her crib was creme with pink & purple bedding. Creme dresser & nightstand with her purple & pink framed ultrasounds & a couple of pics of the fam set up on top of them. She had a little 42 inch plasma on the wall. She also had a projector.

I fingered the woodwork of her customized rocking chair. I walked through the room making sure everything was all straight. I went into her bathroom. & looked In her linen closet. Her blankets , towels, body washes, lotions & hair acessories neatly alligned on the first 3 shelves. She had 4 cases of newborn diapers & 4 of the size ones. My baby was prepared!

I quickly cleaned her bathroom for the 3rd time this week. & headed back out to her room. I sat in her rocking chair. I looked around & once I couldn't take it anymore. I let out a loud cry. I was going to be a mother. & honestly I was scared. My mother wasn't a good mom, & it took my mothers death for Nisha to finally take care of her kids.

I don't want that to be me. I don't want Nae & Black to have to raise my baby. It wouldn't be fair to them or my baby. "Aaliyah" I called out to my daughter as she kicked me wildly immediately calming me. "I know, your excited to meet everybody. & the feeling is mutual."

"Mommy loves you no matter what & no matter what I'm always going to love & protect you ." I told her as my eyes began to get heavy. "Your my world."