The Guardian

Chapter Seven

Jack sat down on the bank of the creek and ran a hand down his face. What on earth had possessed him to say that to her? He didn't give it a thought, it just came out of his mouth. He knew the answer, of course. It was because when she asked if there were any other reasons he was with her, he had lied and she looked like she had been shot through the heart. The disappointment and hurt was so clearly written across her face that he felt it as keenly as if it were his own. After that realization came the overpowering need to tell her the truth and make that hurt and disappointment go away.

Why did he even care if he hurt her feelings? He was going to protect her with his life either way. She didn't have to like him, but it was becoming annoyingly apparent that he wanted her to. He wanted it very much. Somehow when he wasn't paying attention, he had become desperate for her approval and when he'd hurt her, he began to plan how to atone for it.

This was uncharted territory for Jack Justice. The only other people in his entire life he had ever cared about gaining approval from was his surrogate parents. And they gave their approval freely, or they did when he behaved honorably at any rate. He wasn't always honorable.

Jack laid back and looked up at the darkened sky through the trees. It was cloudy. The leaves were turned over, a sure sign of rain. He briefly wondered how the lady of the manor would feel about sleeping outside in the cold rain, but at least it wasn't snow ... yet. He'd build a shelter for them when he went back to the campsite, but for now, he needed some time to collect his thoughts.

He struggled to remember his birth parents. In quieter moments, on rare occasions when his defenses were down, he tried hard to remember anything he could about them and he'd always come away with nothing. Did he have brothers and sisters? Had his grandparents still been alive? Did he have friends? If only he could see backward in his dreams instead of forward, he would know then if he had ever really been loved.

It had never mattered to him before, or so he had always thought. Love would only complicate things. He was a wanderer. He didn't have a home or anything to offer a woman, so why bother ever letting one actually matter? And now here he was paired up with another who was seemingly just like him. Sure, Nora had lived primarily at Ben's for the last ten years, but before that, she hadn't had a true home in a century. So, what did it all mean then? Since they were thrust together and currently had the same living environment, if different goals, did that mean it was more acceptable to have physical relations, or any relations at all, simply because she was there? But then what if it didn't work out and they were stuck together? That would be hell on earth.

Of course, all of that was assuming Nora would even care for him. He certainly was not about to make a fool out of himself only to find that she considered him nothing more than a body guard; or worse, a friend. That was an impossibility though. She would not have been hurt by his words earlier if she didn't care for him. Right? No, he was sure of it. He was coming to know her. She was a caring person, of course she would care for him. The question was in what capacity she cared.

She had a point when she said if they were going to travel as man and wife, they needed to appear more comfortable with each other. At the moment, he felt awkward and unsure of himself around her. Was that why he kept moving himself into an instructor's role, to set up some sort of barrier? Married couples didn't have barriers between each other, did they? In truth, he had no idea. He hadn't really had the opportunity to observe many married couples outside of those in his tribe. So, was that what he needed to give Nora? Affection of some sort? How did one even accomplish that?

Jack groaned and bounced his head against the ground a few times. Each time he thought he had an answer, another one cropped up in its place. How did anyone survive this madness? Why did they even want to? Things in his life were much simpler when he didn't think about romantic entanglements. And wasn't that just the rub? He had stopped thinking about having a carnal relationship with Nora and started thinking of having a romance with her. Just when the hell had that happened? Romance implied feelings and wasn't that what he was laying there on the forest floor grappling with, the fact that he had feelings for Nora? And when did the word romance even invade his thoughts?