I'm a Rogue, Not a Damsel in Distress (ON HOLD!)

The Anniversary of The Dead

Aramis

I just slept for two days. Ace tried to get me to come out but I haven't slept in so long and I know today will be hard so I needed my rest.

A decade and a half ago she died and left me with her beast.

I know she didn't want to leave but she didn't have a choice.
Her beast took her life.
She loved that beast no matter how much it hurt her.

I guess in a sick way I can understand that but it doesn't make it any easier today.

It is just before dawn when I creep out of bed, careful not to make a sound. I get out of the house without a squeek of noise and go into the clearing in the woods where I was once staying. I start to break wood and pile it in the center building a huge bonfire which I will light tonight in honour of her.

She deserved so much more than this. So much more than what she got. She was more than just my mother. Even though I was so young when she was alive I could see why she was special. She wasn't just a mother or a Luna. She was so much more. She was a friend, wife, mate, mother, doctor, therapist, cook and confidante. She had this glow about her.

She was powerful and beautiful and kind. It was a cruel kind of fate that she got stuck with a man she couldn't tame. It was her own kind of curse that was both pleasure and pain, mostly pain.

I could always read people a little too well.

Out here in the wood I can have the peace and time to have a moment to just think of her and nothing else. No pack. No bastards hunting me or mates trying to get me to open up. It is just quiet and I can remember in peace.

She was taken too soon.

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Ace

I haven't seen Aramis in a little over two days and I am starting to worry. I know that up until this morning she was in her room. Two whole days since we spoke. I can't take much more distance between us. I know today is the fifteenth anniversary of her mothers death, which doesn't make things any easier.

I know that we have to take it slow because of things she won't tell me but my wolf is being a dick!

Don't call me a dick! You are forgetting the fact that if you didn't have me chances are you would never have her! I have been listening to her thoughts for the last couple of days. She's in pieces, today hit her hard. Her mom meant everything to her. She is incredibly confused about what to do. When she felt me in her head she blocked me out of her memories. The only thing she directly told me was she is in the clearing and will be back at dawn tomorrow morning. I need her.

Why dawn? Maybe it would be ok if I went to her, make sure she is ok? My skin is itching to make sure she is not in any danger and she is not hurt or hungry or cold. She is all I ever think about. And when I couldn't see her or contact her.... it scared me.

I will check on her at midnight but not a minute before. I want to be there for her, I just don't know how! I feel so useless around her. She is well trained and can fight, has a mind of her own and is almost 100% self-reliant. I have never met anyone like her before. She has really opened my eyes. I want nothing else, nothing else but her. She is more than perfect if there is even such a thing as beyond perfect.

Aramis

It is just about to hit midnight so I summon all the energy and focusing on my fire. Focus on the burning warmth rising through my veins. Focus on the set up for the bonfire.

Then I hear it. The clock strikes midnight and I push the fire outwards. I push the fire outwards and soon feel the fire in front of me roar with beautiful flames at first blue but soon returning to red. I know my fire. I don't have to have my eyes open to know what colour it is or when it will change. I have been smart about not being caught over the years but lately I don't seem to care as much as I used to.

As long as they fear.

That's when I hear a branch snap and my eyes fly open. Damn you, Ace! He shouldn't be here! I know it's him because he is the only one stupid enough to come near me on such a sacred day. Bastard!

I turn and hone in my vision on my surroundings. After a couple of seconds I spot him standing behind a tree about two hundred yards away.

My mom, that's why I am out here. No distractions. I turn back to the bonfire and sit down cross-legged in front of it. This day is for my mom and no one else.

She saved me by teaching me to always be stronger mentally than your opponent.

That is how I survived. I always knew that they could do whatever they want to me.... but they will never be as strong as me!

That is how you win! Every day you take a breath, you win.

So I must forget that Ace is here and focus on remembering. Remembering all the little things about my mom like the smell of her perfume which always reminded me of fresh peaches or the way that even if my father was threatening to hit her, she would always come and kiss me goodnight and tell me to be strong because everything would be ok if I was strong. She would sing pop songs in the kitchen while making breakfast, she was the only one in the pack who could flip a pancake the right way. Or how she would dance around the counter while cleaning up. I remember a few nights when I was sick and my father was in a particularly bad mood, my mom would sneak into my room in the middle of the night and take care of me while watching Disney movies and eating ice-cream in bed.

No matter how hard it got, I could always count on my mom to show me just how strong a person could be. In the short few years that I knew her, I never saw her break. Sure she cried but then she would pick herself up, give me a tight hug and tell me she loved me.

She was the most beautiful person I have ever known.

And I know she would probably tell me to take it easy on Ace but I also know that she would understand why I can't. At least not right now. I am still adjusting.

My mom was a badass in her own way, in the way she understood people and never told them off merely incouraged them to be better. That's how she was a badass because she knew at times that understanding was the hardest thing to do only second to trusting.

|||||||||||||12 hours later||||||||||||||||

Aramis

I am outside of Ace' cabin mansion just looking. I know Ace is inside. I take a deep breath and I know now I need to stop hiding. I am not afraid anymore.

I walk upto the door and pick the lock with a piece of my wire bracelet. I take a breath before I enter knowing if I do this I give up my right to run from this pack.

I am about to make my choice. I only hope it's the right one.