Okay, this is only a short one, but yeah... I think it's pretty... Okay, it's not what you would have expected, well, maybe not... But the next chapter, then you might start experiencing some... answers to some... No, you can wait and see. :) Enjoy.
Nova
It had been seventeen hours since... since she left me. It was my fault, everything always was. I had told her she could do it, but she hadn't been able to. She died. And it was my entirely fault. I silently sobbed into my pillow, not wanting my parents 'sympathy', because it was simply not sympathy anymore, it was a way to remind me that... it was my fault. I looked deep into the fabrics of my pillow; I heard her call my name; scream for help and I stood there... I was pathetic.it should have been me...
I woke up being shaken, I cried out more, "No! I'm sorry! I'll die next time!" And then I was held still, a pair of familiar blue eyes looking down at me, Becka.
Becka looked at me, head shaking, I could see the confusion in her eyes, "No, Nova, don't die. You were screaming... I thought you were being raped or something, so I came to help you, but you were just having a nightmare. I tried to wake you, but you just screamed more and then you started crying... and I got scared, so I shook you... Nova, what's wrong? Please, I'll help you." I looked up at her; everyone had said that, 'I'll help you...' but once I opened up to them, every single one of them, vanished, unable to help someone with my past. I got used to over the years by just not telling anyone, I so badly wanted to tell Becka, but I didn't want her leaving me...
I shook my head, "Clowns... Clowns were chasing me..." I'm sure it sounded convincible... She didn't seem to believe me, but knew me enough to know I didn't want to talk about it, so she nodded and got up.
She looked down at me, "Just... I'm here if you ever need to talk..." She seemed a tad hurt, but I couldn't tell her... it was too much for me to even handle.
I was confused still though... My nightmares had stopped ages ago, but why come back now? Why when my life was getting better? Why me? I knew I had no right to ask this, but I still did, though I was happy it was me who had to put up with the pain, that no one else had to go through what I'd gone through... and apparently still did.
I tried my hardest to get back to sleep, but just couldn't seem to turn my mind off. The questions were bouncing inside my head and I couldn't find the answers. I sighed and let the questions overtake me, though I knew I would wake up tired and confused, I felt like, somehow it would work...
As I had planned, I didn't sleep a wink last night and, also like I planned, I felt like crap. I wonder if I could just ditch again... god I was turning into one of those rebellious kids, that had been my greatest fear this year, going back to the old Nova.
I got up quickly, which made my head feel worse, and scribbled down on a piece of paper;
Nova's Life Laws
1. Alcohol is a no-go-zone.
2. Boys, more than friends, are also a no-go-zone.
3. Partying is a no-go-zone.
4. Water. NO-GO-ZONE.
5. Basically, living a normal college student's life is a NO-FREAKING-GO-ZONE!
I had already written these 'Laws' before, but I just had to remind myself of them. Just so they sunk a little deeper into the thick brain of mine. You've already broken a law. I frowned, wondering where that came from; stupid, stupid subconscious... But had I? No, Kane... Kane was just a friend... I think.
I quickly shook my head to rid myself of Kane thoughts and moved onto Becka thoughts. Where was she anyway...? I looked about our little apartment thingy, but still... No Becka. I glanced up at the fridge to see what my first class was: History and Becka had History too! I looked up at the clock, 11:43am. So that's why Becka wasn't here... Wow, I'd really overdone the staying in bed, maybe I had fell asleep after all...
