The Doubt of Moving On (l.p)

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I sat down on the plastic chair on a thursday morning. I can feel myself getting better. Especially whenever I think of Ruby again. She makes me feel warm inside. Unlike now, as I'm looking at Elise, I feel dull and cold. However every time I say to myself that Ruby makes me feel good, i start to feel guilt and shame. It's like Elise has a hold on me and I just can't get away. 

"I know I've said this a lot of times but I feel better now. Now that I've met Ruby. And I still feel bad for saying this. Especially how I hardly know her apart from the fact that she likes our music and she always comes to visit someone in the hospital. I have a feeling that she only comes once a week. That's better than me, I come every day. I've come everyday for the past three and a half months." I said to her. 

"I finally went out and spoke to the gang last night. Did you know that? Yeah, we all had dinner at Niall's. I talked to them and I even laughed. They all stared at me when I actually did but Ali broke the ice. She came up to me and told me how proud she was that I'm getting better. 

And I suppose I am, right? I'm getting really better. I smile a little more, not as much but a little more. I laugh more often and I actually socialise now. Everyone still treats me like an egg though. Like I'm going to crack in a second. I don't blame them to be honest. I am pretty fragile. 

I still miss you, you know. No matter how much I say I hate you or how much you anger me, I still miss you. I loved you. You were amazing to me. You made me laugh a lot and smile a lot. You were just great. But I really don't know if that's you. I guess it doesn't really matter anymore. They're just memories now."

I looked at her. I noticed that her hair grew. It's not at her shoulders anymore, it's longer than that, almost down to her elbows. She's really not that different, appearance wise. But if she wakes up, will she still be that bright girl I fell in love with? Or the cold calculating bitch I heard in the recording? 

I got up out of my seat and left the room. I kind of hoped that I would bump into Ruby again. But she wasn't there so I continued to walk out the building. 

It was too early to go home, only noon. So I decided to take a walk in the park. It was a fine spring day. A cloudless sky with the sun shining bright. It wasn't hot but it wasn't cold. I walked down the pathways in the centre of the park. There were little kids on bikes, adults jogging and families on picnic rugs. 

As I walked I caught sight of Ruby heading my way. I smiled to myself slightly and walked straight to her. For some reason, I wanted to literally bump into her. I felt like it was a tradition of ours, literally bumping into each other. So i walked directly in front of her with my head down. She had her head down as well, looking at something on her phone. My hands were in my pockets and I walked idly, putting on a facade. 

"Oh!" We gasped as we both jumped back in surprise. It actually was a surprise to me because I didn't expect to bump into her so soon. 

"Hi." I smiled sheepishly. 

"Hello to you too." She laughed. "Fancy seeing you here."

"Could say the same for you." I grinned. 

"You look better." She noted after a few seconds' silence. 

"I feel better." I answered truthfully. 

"You know, this is actually getting way out of hand." She commented. 

"What is?" I asked. 

"Us bumping into each other. This is the third time!" She laughed. 

"One's an incident, two's a coincidence and third's a pattern." I said in fake wise voice. 

"You got that right." She agreed.