Tevun-Krus #25 - Romantic SF

Urban Myths & Wattpad Legends...

Last month, go on, think back... That's it! You remember, I'm sure, that we asked you to create an urban myth or legend right here on Wattpad! Well, as we only had a couple submitted, it's only fair that we share both of them right here, right now!

Both are pretty cool, we reckon, and who knows? Maybe sometime in the near-future we'll be talking about this day as being the day that a couple of new myths were born!

KYX - MadMikeMarsbergen

'The scientific community is rife with cover-ups and intellectual strong-arming, so much so that many truths go unheard by the masses because they don't adhere to the establishment's views and goals. One such cover-up involves a little-known experimental drug found in virtually every food item and beverage consumed by your average, working-class person.

KYX—pronounced 'kicks', due to the warm and fuzzy feeling those responsible receive when they watch its effects at work—is an experimental peptide hormone. KYX is said to be hGH, or human growth hormone, on steroids, crack, LSD, PCP, mescaline, psilocybin, DMT, THC, MDMA, salvinorin A, methamphetamine, and even scopolamine.

Lesser effects of this drug include: headaches or migraines, dizziness, anxiety, depression, manic states, hallucinations (both aural and visual), nausea, vomiting, vivid dreams, dreamlessness, confusion, hypersensitivity, mood swings, increased libido, lessened libido, bad breath, good breath, psychosis, sudden murderous tendencies, and many more.

Some of the harsher effects KYX has on the afflicted body are: cancerous growths, swelling of the brain, heart, liver, testicles, ovaries and/or kidneys, development of Parkinson's, multiple sclerosis, schizophrenia, Alzheimer's and/or dementia, sudden changes to one's sexual organs, and so much more.

Due to the wide array of potential, possible and probable effects, and due to the hush-hush nature of the medicine industry, KYX-induced effects are rarely if ever diagnosed as such. Fatalities are numerous, wide-reaching. Life expectancies for those afflicted with KYX can be anywhere from days to decades.

If you suspect you or someone you know has been exposed to KYX, there's nothing you can do. Chances are extremely high that you and everyone you know are currently dying, quickly or slowly, from this psychopath-sanctioned drug. You can try to spread awareness of KYX, but you will likely be seen as crazy or simply be assassinated thereafter.'

The Onion - HardeeBurger

'The Onion is a worldwide network of slaves developed by the U.S. Navy that enables the N.S.A. to target internet users anonymously. It's a black box funded project whose purpose is the destruction of online privacy. It works by hacking a user's identity and moving malevolent internet traffic via that person's username. Anyone who tries to intervene or escape becoming a target is spammed into oblivion by the zombie-like nature of this network of slaves.

Since the activation of this zombie slave network by the N.S.A. the growth of The Onion has been exponential. Every person on the internet is now either a spying zombie slave for the N.S.A. or a target for attack. To become enslaved by The Onion, all that need be done is download the Wattapd mobile app. Everything you do on Wattpad then goes through The Onion without your knowledge or consent. That said, since your data now goes through a buttload of killer zombie spying slaves, Wattpad runs slower than sh*t and is subject to much wonkiness. So you'll experience a much more sluggish Wattpad than usual if you're enslaved by The Onion.

So if you want to become famous on Wattpad—like say you want to be a dictator or an oppressor, or a just user who's a total knob—allow yourself to be infiltrated by The Onion, and become a spying Wattpad zombie hacker killer slave for the N.S.A. It's one of the easiest ways to become a dickwad, and it's completely free.

It is far from perfect, though. The Onion functions properly only when it's completely in the hands of invasive gif-crazed advertisers. These megalomaniac corporations are freaking goddamn geniuses at getting a firm grip on the nut sack of any Wattpad user who attempts to install ad-blocking software on his or her internet browser.

And then, woe be on us. For no one wants to be messed with by spying dickwad zombie hacker killer slaves whose nut sacks are in the grip of megalomaniac corporations.'