Too Many Confessed! ( ON Hold )

Chapter 4 - Nothingness

##recap##Hey guys :) I was really struggling to write this chapter to be honest. It was a little too emotional for me. But I finally managed :) Even if I did cry the whole way through :'( This is a seriously emotional chapter but after the accident, not this but the real accident, It will get happier I promise :):)

I would say please enjoy the chapter, but I don't think you will enjoy it tbh :'( maybe cry a little? :')

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##RECAP##

My eyes fluttered closed as I repeated the thought to myself over and over again.

I'm not alone...

##RECAP##

Chapter 4 - Nothingness

I woke up in the morning in a surprisingly good mood, just for it to evaporate.

Tom was gone, and instead was a note taped to my bedside table that said:

*

Lexi,

I had to go back to college and I have decided to stay at a friend's apartment instead of at home. I'm sorry, but I am always here for you in you need me. Just give me a call whenever you want. I will always answer, I promise.

I love you, Lexi. Make me proud.

Tom xx

*

I just stared at the note, unable to form any type of thought. My body blank from any emotion.

The one person that I never thought would leave me, especially after all of the things he had said last night, was gone.

It hurt to believe it but, as it finally sunk in, I curled back up into my bed wrapped in my duvet and cried.

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I had been crying for the last hour and a half, not being interrupted by my parents when they left for work, but not until after their hushed argument outside my door, of course.

I couldn't go to school today. I just couldn't.

I hated crying but I couldn't seem to stop. I just sat in my room and cried for hours.

I must have fallen asleep sometime during the tears because I woke up around half 2.

I could feel my empty stomach but couldn't bring myself to eat. I didn't want to. Why should I have food? There's no point in me living, anyway. I have no friends. My parents hate me. Even my brother left when he said he wouldn't. There wasn't much point in my life anymore.

Correction.

There was NO point in my life anymore.

And with that realization, I crawled off of my warm bed and crouched down next to it. Lifting the mattress and peeking underneath, I reached forward. My warm hand clasped around the cold metal and I pulled it out from its hiding place.

I unclasped my fist and stared blankly at the blade.

This was it.

I'd had enough.

I couldn't take it anymore.

No one will miss me.

I slowly raised to my feet and walked to my ipod.

I placed my headphones over my ears and sat on my bed, leant back on the headboard.

I put my favourite song on repeat and closed my eyes as the first lyrics sounded in my ears.

Spend all your time waiting,

For that second chance,

For a break that will make it ok,

I rolled up my sleeves with my eyes still closed and picked up the knife from next to me on the bed.

There's always some reason,

To feel not good enough,

And it's hard at the end of the day,

I let the lyrics run through head as the tears trickled slowly down my cheeks.

I need some distraction,

Or a beautiful release,

Memories seep from my veins,

I brought the sharp blade towards my left wrist and hovered it over the scars.

Let me be empty,

And weightless,

And maybe,

It sank slowly into my skin. I felt the warm substance dribble over my arm. The last lyric before the chorus was sung.

I'll find some peace tonight,

I pressed it further into my wrist and the red drowned my arm. I felt nothing.

In the arms of the angel,

I opened my eyes as they burned with tears. My vision blurred.

Fly away from here.

The words began to muffle as I fell into blackness.

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OMG!! Isn't it so sad?! I cried. A lot. You'll just have to wait a little for the next chapter because I will probably struggle with that one too. :/:/ unsure of when the next update will be :)

And if you haven't already can you please check out my other stories:

You Lied To Me! - based on a true story (happened to me :/)

The Boy Next Door - exactly what it sounds like, but not ;)

and You Said Forever! - but I haven't started uploading those chapters on Wattpad yet :L:L

THANKS!!!<3<3<3<3