Raindrops | GirlXGirl

» Twenty-Ninth Ex-Issues

Quinn

{'The best revenge is massive success.'}

The shades of the night cascaded through the room as I hung up after I said I love her, knowing that she was already sleeping on the other side of the phone. Throwing my phone down carefully at the bed, I glanced up at the familiar form, standing in my room's doorway. Her blue eyes were set of mine, observing me for a couple of minutes. Her stare made me huff in worries and it gave her reason to shut the door as she came inside without asking any permission.

Jane had been quiet and that meant she was aggravated, controlling herself from uttering insulting words that she would regret later. It is just the way she was; a total escapist. But I knew this time, she brought all the courage with her to talk to me. And I knew that she wouldn't even try to win me back because it's silly for her to do so.

A deafening silence freely mixed with the nighttime. The only thing that came between us was the light from the lamp over my bedside table, polishing her raven hair to a dark gold sunlight curtain that ended above her chest.

And after a long struggle, Jane leaned her back against the door, folding her arms at me protectively and asked, "I-Is she another lie to make? Like you used to do with me from all those years?"

I sighed, staring down to focus on my hand out of guilt. "No, but she's different."

I heard her laugh sarcastically. "She's no different. No matter how you differ a relationship behind you and those you will have at some point, it will always be the same unless you tell them the truth. But it will always be a lie, Quinn­— a lie that you will never get right."

"Then what do you want me to do?!" I snapped at her irrational outburst. "Not to feel completely?! Let all this come into me like a walking dead wandering to nothing? You don't have any right to say this when you just walked away like that. You never even tried to understand my situation and now you're here, lecturing me about what I shouldn't do and what I shouldn't feel!"

Jane dropped her arms, narrowing her eyes at me. "What do you expect me to do? Be completely okay about it?" She paused to gasp in disbelief. "Quinn, you were lying to me the whole time. Your embraces were not even true. Your kisses were nothing but a deception. And you expect me to understand it, knowing all of your touches were just a pretend?"

"Pretend? You felt it, right?" I asked, glaring at her strongly. "Jane, I'm the who are lying to myself, not you. I'm the one who's feeling this emptiness, not you! I-I just can't!"

She released a frustrated sigh, neared closer, and kneeled in front of me. Hesitating at first, she finally held my hand and studied it before she looked up to me. Her gaze was still the same. Bold and expressive— the gaze that you would keep on without end. She was strong when she needed to be but occasionally, she would ignore the matter and escape from what she didn't want to face before she could figure it out on herself. It was one thing I liked about Jane. She did everything for me even if sometimes, she felt that I was lacking. She never got tired to walk by my side and that was the reason why my lies instantly freaked her out of my life.

"Sorry, I really feel it but I just couldn't believe that I don't have the same effect on you and I can't do anything about it."

I didn't give her a response. Instead, I looked down at the new album I was organizing earlier before Risa called. The first pages were full of my girlfriend's serene face that I took earlier this morning when she was sleeping peacefully like a fairy.