The Princess Test

Chapter 5

Sam got ready for his trip to the earldom of Pildenue.  The earl was his only noble customer.  Sam made enough from this one job to keep Lorelei in silk kirtles and embroidery thread for a year.  He said a long farewell to Lorelei in front of their cottage.  "Be sure you wear your shawl at night, honey."

"I will, Father."

"Be sure she does, Trudy.  I don't want her to get sick."

"Yes, Master," Trudy said.  Would that be a good way to bump her off?  Let her catch a cold and die?

"And make her eat enough, Trudy.  You have to keep your strength up, sweetie pie."

"Yes, Master," Trudy said.  Should she starve Lorelei?  No.  It would take too long.

"Here, sweet.  Give your old daddy a kiss."

Lorelei hugged him.  "I'll miss you, Father.  Hurry home."

Sam climbed up to the seat of his wagon.  He flapped the reins, and the old mare started to trot.

Lorelei wiped away a tear.  She turned to Trudy, "We'll just have to keep each other company."  She sniffed.  "We'll have a lovely time, won't we?"

"Yes, lass." Yes indeed!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

King Humphrey wrote a proclamation to announce the search for a real princess.

"Hear ye!  Hear ye!  Or listen well!  Insofar and inasmuch as We, King Humphrey, Supreme Ruler and Monarch of the Kingdom and Monarchy of biddle..."

The king paused here.  But there was no synonym for Biddle, so he went on.

"...Wish to Abdicate Our Throne in Favor of Our Son and Heir, the Noble and Royal Prince Nicholas.  And Insofar and Inasmuch as We Stipulate and Require..."

And so on.  The next important part came at the very end.  "...and Said Princess Must Satisfy Us, King Humphrey, Supreme..." Blah blah blah.  "...That She Is in Her Person and Her Self a Completely and Uterly True Princess.  Our Judgment on This Matter or in This Respect Shall be Final and Without Appeal."

Below that King Humphrey signed King Humphrey or Supreme Ruler of Biddle, as was his habit.  The Royal Seal was affixed, and the proclamation was complete.  And finished, too.

Except for one thing.  The king wanted a portrait of Prince Nicholas to go with the proclamation.  He sent for his Chief Royal Artist and Portrait Maker.

"My son or heir isn't a bad-looking boy, is he?"  King Humphrey asked the artist.  "There's nothing wrong with his looks, is there?"

"Oh no, Sire.  Not in the slightest."  The Chief Royal Artist and Portrait Maker thought the prince was ordinary-looking.  Nothing special.

"The prince has to look handsome in his portrait or picture," the king said.

"That way a true princess will wwant and desire to come."

"I understand, sire."  Smaller ears.  Straighter mouth.  Broader shoulders.  He could do that.

Nicholas wanted to look as ugly as possible in his portraight.  He wanted every princess who saw it to say, "Ugh.  Who would want to marry him?"  Because if no princesses showed up, he might be able to convince the king and queen to let him marry Lorelei.

So he squinted.  He squirmed.  He mussed his hair.  He let his mouth hang open.  He drooled.  He borrowed Queen Hermione's makeup and drew a big black mole on his chin.

It made no difference.  The Chief Royal Artist and Portrait Maker was a master craftsman.  In the portrait Prince Nicholas' chin (without a mole) was lifted majestically.  His eyes had a piercing look.  A hint of a smile played around his mouth.  His shoulders were broad.  His mouth wasn't lopsided.  His ears were perfect.  Also, the Chief Royal Artist and Portrait Maker waved Nicholas' hair and thickened his eyelashes.  Princesses would fall in love with those eyelashes.  Guaranteed.

When all was ready, scribes copied the proclamation.  Lesser Royal Artists and Portrait Makers copied the portrait.  Messengers were dispatched to kingdoms near and far.

The search was on.