Who is? (I know I'm not perfect)

Chap 5 - rocking chairs and royal horses

I hate my birthday, fudging hate. Every year's the same, I try to make them forget, try to find a way for everyone to forget my God damned birthday. But I never succeed. It used to be more simple, my mom and dad always forgot, unless my brothers remained them. Which happened a lot when I was younger, I think they just wanted a reason to eat cake. But still it was usually too late for them to buy presents and make me feel like dog poo because of the choice of the gifts for me. These people don't know me. But, since Tommy and Tony came into my life, my every birthday is celebrated, me being the only person that forgets it.
Honestly, I couldn't care less, it's the tradition that bugs me, the tradition of me crying every single year on this day. There is always something that makes me cry. It annoys me greatly but I cannot help it. So I do the next best thing, pretend that it's just a normal day and don't think about it a lot.

Back to real life, I got downstairs where my parents awaited with a present, fuck, I said my 'thank you's and hugged them telling them that I'll open my present later. I don't want them to see the first reaction, so I can lie about liking it. Unfortunately they stopped me, saying that they wanna see my reaction, just great... "Okay" I took the present, ripping the paper around it, never and I mean never have I been this happy, I felt a smile creeping to my mouth, I started crying, tears of joy, happy happy tears. In front of me was a picture, well, a painting, it was so beautiful, I wasn't able to speak, when I looked at it, I saw my grandmother's beautiful brown eyes looking back at me. She was smiling, I knew that this painting was a painting of a picture we once took, because I was right there next to her, I knew that when the picture was taken my grandma wasn't smiling, I knew that she was in a wheelchair in real life, but on the painting she was sitting in a normal comfy looking chair, a smile on her face and a sparkle in her brown eyes, next to her I stood with a smile of my own, the same sparkle in my gray eyes. It was a rainy day, I remember, but through the window on the painting you could see the sun making it brighter, I was crying, I knew, that's why my eyes sparkled that day, but here it seemed like a happy sparkle, I knew that this painting wasn't real I just couldn't help but be thrilled to see her smile, she was my everything for so long, the only one to remember my birthdays, hiding them from others, knowing I didn't want them to know. Protecting my fragile heart, before she got sick, I was so young, but I knew, I knew that she will soon leave, when she died it wasn't the first death experience I had with my close family. However it was, and still is the most painful one, I miss her so much. It has been 2 and a half years since she died. A part of me died with her, I would have had killed myself then, I think, if it weren't for Tommy and Tony, I was never one to support self harm or use it on myself, suicidal, no, not even close, I love life, not mine in particular, but the sense of freedom that all living things have, that I love. But loosing her felt like loosing freedom, energy. All that I loved about life. That was a dark time for me. But I found my light. Well two of them, a pink bright one that burns to look at and a calming green one that brings balance to the pink one.

I cried, but just a bit, I hugged my mom and dad and headed upstairs. Already knowing where I'll put the painting. It was the most perfect gift I have ever received from them. It felt amazing it still does. The boys were on my trail. I knew we had to hurry if we wanted to be at school on time. So I quickly finished getting ready and practically ran to the car.

Too soon for my liking we were parked in front of the ugly building, the gateway to hell, I don't like school, well maybe I do, or did, but I got lazy over the years, making my grades drop and with them my enthusiasm for anything school related, but that didn't stop me from joining half the clubs and extracurricular activities in the school, the half I didn't join, was either for science enthusiasts or sporty peeps while I neither.

I entered the school wearing a pink crown as a sign that informed everyone it's my birthday, they forced me I swear they have way to much dirt on me, and just like every queen I was riding a horse, Tony. *cue the evil queen laugh* Let me tell you public embarrassment of your tormentor is a way to go when you pick your revenge plans. It never, ever disappoints.

Some students laughed, some sent us weird looks and most just wished me a happy birthday. It felt kinda nice. But don't tell anyone. And I do mean anyone.

The day went by quite uneventful. Not bad and not good, just neutral, and it felt awesome. That is until we had our Biology lesson, don't jump to conclusions now, I actually like biology, well my teacher at least. And I enjoyed my period until, well, until I fell on my butt. Like every dumb teenager ever, I was rocking my chair, which usually doesn't end badly, I mean really it almost never falls, but today was the day it decided to go just a tad too far. Taking me, my small butt, and my barely existing dignity in this class with me. It was fudging hilarious. Tony was by my side in seconds while I just lied on the floor silently laughing. It was sooooo funny! I wish someone had video taped that. I would love to see that from another perspective so much! Ooooh maybe even in slow motion... My back hurt a little but not enough to concern anyone, especially me. hehe

Weirdo
We're the same person!
Please, don't remind me... It hurts too much!
Not. Even. Funny!
It is to me hehe

Anyway my joy ended when the teach was finally able to keep her smile from forming on her lips and she told me to sit normally either I will have to be escorted to detention. Way to ruin it...

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If anyone's reading, I am very sorry for the wait, school is shit love you :*