Ash

Chapter 1

I snarl at the flashback to my mate. His smell haunts me, taunting me till I break. I cannot take it anymore. My wolf will take over soon if something doesn't happen yet.

As I am lost in my thoughts I hear knocking on the door, drawing me from the corners of my mind which are filled with my secret mate.
He won't be secret for long, my wolf snarls at me.
I stomp to the door ready to murder someone.

What the fuck do u want? I barely growl out.

The person looks scared as hell. They should be. I'm the bad ass alpha after all. I run a tight ship around here and they should know to not disturb me in these types of moments.

"You-you're sister wants to see you Alpha..." he mumbles very quickly.

I snarl out my reply and push past him to stomp through the hallway and to my annoying little brat of a sister. I open the door to her room and I see her with her mate, Danny. They sit together on the bed, her head on his chest, fingers entwined. Danny and my sister talk in hushed murmurs filled with love. I growl to show them my presence and they quickly sit apart.

"I'm here now. What the fuck do you want?"

My sister, still blushing from being caught in an intimate moment, clears her throat before saying anything.
"I want to go to a different high school. I want to be with Danny."

I look at her with distrust and I snarl, "Stop being such a bratty bitch, you have everything here."

"But I want to live with Danny in his pack. I love him too much to be apart from him," she whines like a baby.

"You ungrateful, little child. I have taken care of you since you were a baby when Mom couldn't take care of us. I have given you the best life I can. You have money, clothes, a mate while I sit here babysitting ur ass and doing Alpha business. Why do you think that you can just do whatever you want? You are not going anywhere and that is the final decision!"

Danny growls at me when Reyna, my sister, starts crying.
"I want to go and I don't care whether or not you want me to," she blubbers in between sobs.

"If you leave, you will never have a place here again. You will be known as an outcast, someone who is never welcome here. I won't be there to take care of you. I will never come back for you. And you will never be my sister again. "

With that I leave, slamming the door shut behind me. I rest my head against the wall next to the door. Behind the door, I hear Reyna and Danny talking.

I can't take it anymore.

I run to my soundproof room and lock it. My eyes scan the unmade room, the clothes thrown across the floor, and clutter of books on my desk.
I usually love all the chaos in my life, but now everything seemed too messy. I scream, all my frustrations coming out. I stomp to the unmade bed and throw the sheets and pillows everywhere. I take the mattress and throw it into my dresser. Everything comes shattering down with it.

"Just like my pathetic life, I mumble despairingly to myself and my wolf.

I can't do anything right. I'm a failure. I put up a strong, stubborn front but inside, everything is a mess. I want someone to love me, to appreciate me, and to be my rock. I'm flawed. I have oily skin, frizzy hair, fat thighs. No one wants me.

Silent tears track my face as I sit against the wall, head in my hands. Everyone around me has found love or someone in their life, ready to be there for them. I have nothing to live for. My mate probably has someone in his life already.

My heart hurts. It hurts so bad. My shield has cracks all over it. I don't want all the pressure on me. I have to be strong for the pack, my sister, my mom, everyone. Just once I wish that someone could be strong for me when I need it. Someone who can help me out, be my friend, my other half, my everything. Is it such a bad thing to want that?

I sit there, drowning in my misery. I can see my heart in my mind. It's the size of my fist, pumping fast, as to represent my life. One side of my heart is bright symbolizing my pack and my family. The other side is withering. It is turns black and into ash. This represents all the pressure that everyone puts on me. It's my body and my mind slowly dying from everything.

This vivid picture shocks me out my state of self-pity. I can do it. I'll survive whatever life throws at me. I scream at the gods above.

Just wait till we have our mate. We will be unstoppable, my wolf supports.

As I look around the room, I begin to calm myself down. While I'm cleaning I begin humming a song my mom used to sing for me. In the middle, my super-sensitive hearing picks up a knock at my door. I open the door and see one of my friends, Rhys. He's one of the quiet ones who never approached me alone.

"Um..are you okay? You seem a little tired," he asks shyly.

My wolf is twitching in my mind, telling me something is wrong. Is he my mate?

I take a whiff on the air and there is nothing different. No enticing smell that makes me go crazy with want. Just the smell of a normal wolf.

"Yea I'm fine. Did you come here for something else?"

"Sailor, Tanya, and I are going out. Do you want to come with?" he asks in a strained, husky voice.

With confusion, I agree and ask him to wait so I can change. I close the door and take a breath.

"What was wrong with you?" I ask my wolf.

There is something different about him, but I can't figure it out, my wolf whispers back.

I put that thought at the back of my mind and get dressed in black high-waisted shorts, a maroon striped crop top, and black vans. After I get everything I need, I look at myself in the mirror.

You are strong. Make sure no one else can see through those cracks in your shield. You are the alpha.

I take a deep breath and open the door to Rhys texting on his phone. He quickly puts it away and looks at me from head to toe. His eyes are slightly darker and a small growl erupts.

I raise my eyebrow at this and ask, "Are we ready to go?"

With a slightly husky voice, he grumbles out a reply and starts walking out the hallway.

What is wrong with him?

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Hey people, I know this took forever to write but I hope it's good.

The song is what I was listening to while writing this. Lol

Hope you like it.
R.❤️