They say curiosity killed the cat but it wasn't curiosity that killed me, he killed me. Every little movement. Everything he said. Everything he did killed me. In some ways it was good but in more ways than some, it was bad. I never dreamt of his actions affecting me so deeply. I've only dreamt of them keeping me alive. Keeping me wanting to go forward. Keeping me wanting more and more of him. Now though, I wish I had none of him. I wish I never had any of him.
He was my safety net. Whenever I felt like I was falling, he was there to catch me. I'm falling faster and harder than ever but he won't be there to catch me. Now he'll be someone else's safety net. Knowing he's there for someone else and not me kills me. It's selfish but I need him. I need him to catch me before I fall into the wrong arms. I need him to catch me before I just keeping falling with no end.
What he does now should not affect me. They should have stopped affecting me when I broke his heart. I thought breaking his heart would heal mine but it just broke my heart even more. What he does now breaks my heart. It shouldn't break my heart but it does. Everything single thing he does breaks my heart. His smile, his laugh, his eyes, his voice-they all break my heart. I never thought it was possible to physically feel your heart breaking but everytime I see him or hear him or hear of him, my chest starts hurting, I can't breathe and I feel like I'm falling but I know he won't be there to catch me. I wish I never loved him.
He said he loved me and I believed him. He said he didn't want anyone else but me. He said he had plan for us in the future. He said he wanted to be with me forever and I believed him. I too, loved him. I too, didn't want anyone else but him. I too, had a plan for us in the future. I too, wanted to be with him forever. I guess what he wanted changed. I believed he wouldn't change.
