Means of Despair

3:notes

Me: Hey Cutie xx

Vic: Um. Do you want your jacket back, we can meet at the park tomorrow. 

Me: No, you keep it, but I'd like to meet up with you. 

Vic didn't text back.  

The next day, I went to the park. I saw Vic sitting where he usually sat, focusing on his sketchbook. He was wearing my jacket. 

I took a picture and walked over there, sitting next to the boy.  

He instantly reached for a hug, seeming to curl up as my arms wrapped around him. 

Hi Jaime! 

Hey cutie xx. 

Stop calling me that. Vic's cheeks were tinted pink and I took a picture. Hey! Don't take pictures of me! I'm repulsive! 

Not true. 

Then can I take a picture of you? 

Yeah sure. I handed the smaller boy my camera and he seemed focused on taking a picture. I struck some stupid pose and then snap! The picture had been taken. Vic giggled at the stupid face I was making in the photo.  I loved his smile. 

He handed it to me. 

No. You keep it. You gave me a drawing now i give you a picture. 

Vic's cheeks turned a darker shade of pink.  Why do you do this? Hang out with me?

Because everyone needs someone. I saw you being lonely and wanted to fix it. 

I don't need fixing. 

That's not what I meant.

Vic sighed and kinda fell into my chest. 

I gently stroked his hair. 

I'm fine. was written on his hand multiple times. I grabbed his fingers and tried to get a better look. 

Vic flinched away. That hurt me. 

I need to leave, sorry hime-time. Can I call you that? Hime-time? 

I chuckled, nodding and waving in response. 

——— 

When I got home I decided to read the note on the back of that picture.  

To whom it may concern,

I'm am sorry but this couldn't be helped. 

What else do you expect from the deaf kid who always seems to be at the park. I've lived in isolation for long enough. I miss the days when I could listen to music with you guys. I miss the days we went to the movies, and I could hear the actors' voices. I miss singing Christmas carols with you. I bet Mike sounds awesome on the drums, but I'll never get to hear it. 

So sorry. 

Mother, Father, Mike, I love you so much. 

If I mean anything to you, I'm sorry but I've made up my mind. 

~Vic X 

P.s. I love you. 

Tears came to my eyes. It was a suicide note. It's what he was writing that day in the park. I texted him, hoping I wasn't too late. As I arrived at the park, Vic was running to the bench where we always met. 

I ran to him, hugging him. 

He hugged me back and hid his face in my shirt. 

I'd never been so happy to hold someone.  

He pulled away and held up his sketchpad. What's wrong?

I pulled the paper from my pocket, flipping it over and showing the note. I started crying. 

"Why? WHY?!" I shouted. 

Vic hugged me. 

I grabbed his sketchpad Promise me you won't Vic. Promise me. Please. 

Vic smiled, making an 'x' on his heart. Cross my heart, hope to die.

I copied his gesture and held his hand. 

Can I stay with you tonight? I kinda told my mom I was staying with a friend. 

Sure!