Don't speak to me. We're through. I left your sister for you, and this is what I get in return? My entire life turned into a movie, and it's all a lie? I never would have had to gone through this drama. I could expose you to the fans. Exposing you to the fans could ruin your entire reputation. Could ruin your opportunity at publishing your movie. My sexuality will be exposed in a movie instead of through my revealing it. Rocky, was our relationship ever real? Did your feelings for me ever actually exist? Because unlike yours, my feelings will always be real. I'm not ready to be out as bisexual to the public. They won't accept me. The fans will criticize me. Parents will see our band as a bad influence. I'll be the boy with the "fake" sexuality. The not valid sexuality. I'll be the boy who has the fake sexuality that everyone judges and makes fun of. All thanks to you, and your precious movie. Screw you, Rocky Lynch. Have a nice life.
-Ellington
~~
"Was it ever real to you Rocky?" Surprised by the sudden voice, Rocky looks up from where he's sitting to see a tear stricken Ellington staring at him with a hard look from the doorway of his room. Compared to Ellington's darkened mood, the walls seemed too bright. Too upbeat for this situation. It seemed like everything should be black instead of the lime green it had been since they moved in.
"What do you mean?" Rocky asks, though he fully knew what Ellington was talking about; their relationship.
"Did our relationship ever mean a thing to you? Were your feelings real? Or was it all for your movie that is oh so important?" Ellington responds angrily, glaring at Rocky from the doorway.
Yes, my feelings have always been real. Ellington, I have been in love with you for years. I have been in love with you since you were with Kelly. I have been in love with you since I realized I wasn't fully straight. God, Ellington, you're my pride and joy. You don't even know it.
That was what he thought, though it was not anywhere near what he actually said.
"It was all for the movie. I was testing reactions. I'm flattered that you like me in that way Ellington, but I'm not gay. I don't and never have had feelings for you in that way." His mind kept telling him to stop, but he couldn't. It was for the sake of his movie. He wanted to get up and hug Ellington. He wanted to pepper his face with kisses and reassure him that since they had gotten together he had been the happiest that he had been in a while. But he couldn't because of the stupid movie.
I'm not gay.
The words echoed in his head, continuing to haunt him. He hated hurting Ellington, but he had to. This statement wasn't a complete lie, as he was technically only half lying; he was bisexual. This wasn't something he was very open about, but he always assumed his family knew.
"Rocky, do my feelings even matter to you? You want to publish my raw emotions, my personal life, my sexuality that I am in no way ready to share. People will hate me. They'll criticize me. They'll say my sexuality isn't valid. Do you not care?" Rocky wanted so much to just tell him he wouldn't publish the movie, but he couldn't. He wanted to apologize. He wanted to do everything to make it up to him, but he couldn't, and that hurt worse than anything he'd ever felt.
"Not my problem." How stupid was he? How he wished he didn't have to hurt him.
"You hurting me is a choice, not a need, Rocky Lynch. Screw you. Have a nice life." And then Ellington walked off, and Rocky broke down.
Suddenly, he was back in the quicksand, and it seemed like there was once again no escape.
IWannaSeeChuSmileR5 wrote this! I know, I know. She is an amazing person! She actually surprised me with it. So, if you all have a quick second, run over to her account and . . . :
1: Read her books. (Dear Ellington, Dear Rydel, Dear Rydellington, Dear Diary. And all of her other rad books.)
2. Follow her. She's an amazing person and a friend.
3. Comment and read her Rydellington Oneshots. They are the bomb.
I will wait for you to do that. .. . What, you thought I was kidding? I wasn't. So, do it now!!
Anyway. . ..
For the next chapter
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15 comments: Remember they mean a lot and if you message me a letter, I will gladly put it in as a letter to one of the band mates.
Yeah, do everything I told you to do to Jessa. So, anyway. . . Keep on Rocking Rockers.
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