Chapter 1

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I sat at the bar alone, hunched over my drink. The upbeat feel of the club wasn't doing anything to bring up my down mood. I picked up my glass, tossing it back in one go. I signaled to the bartender for another. He gave me a worried glance, but filled another glass for me regardless.

Girls and guys alike came up to me throughout the night, hoping to take me home or buy me a drink, but I'd always decline. I wasn't here for that tonight. Though, I guess I kind of was. I was only here to get my mind off of Vic. I've had this crush for god knows how long, and it hasn't gone anywhere. Like, Vic's kind of really straight. And, even if he were a little bit into guys, he's already said that he loves me more like a brother than anything else, so no chance there.

To be honest, my first reason for coming here tonight was to pick someone up to get my mind off of him, but that plan backfired before I could even make it to the bar. I was making out with this guy, and I accidentally moaned out Vic's name. The guy left in a fury and I moved to the bar to order my first drink of the night. I had been here ever since. I looked down to my glass only to see it empty. I signalled for another one, but this time the bartender came over to me without a new drink in hand.

"I think you've had enough, sir," he said. I knew he was probably right, but I wasn't having any of it.

"I'll give you a ten dollar tip for each drink you give me," I slurred. I was drunk and even in the back of my mind I knew this was bad, but I didn't care. I just needed to forget everything right now, no matter the price. The barman looked skeptical so I pulled out my wallet, showing him the many bills inside. I usually only would have brought twenty dollars total, but I knew tonight would be expensive, so I brought all of the bills from my savings box under the bed. He still looked a tad hesitant, so I just gave him my best pleading eyes. After dragging his eyes away from the money, he caught my eye and I saw him give a little sigh before turning away to begin mixing my drink. I smiled a bit, getting out the right amount. He slid my drink to me, and I handed him the money. He smiled at me, and as I took the first sip he looked as if he were about to warn me about drinking too much, so I just gave him a warning glance and he backed off. I took a few more sips before I felt someone stand beside me. I knew they were trying to get my attention because the bar was relatively empty, and they were pressed right against my side, arm on the back of my chair.

"I'm not interested," I said quickly, not wanting any misconceptions or confusion. He looked at me and laughed, removing his arm from around my chair. I refused to look at him full on and continued to sip at my drink as he took the chair next to me.

"I just thought I'd try," he chuckled out, turning to face me. He studied me for a few moments before opening his mouth again to speak. "What's got you in the dumps?"

The desperation to let go and just tell someone about all of my problems was so strong that I just spilled my heart to this stranger. Or maybe I was just drunk.

"I'm in love with my best friend," I saw him wince. "And I know I don't have a chance with him, because even working on the grounds that he's into guys, he's said that I'm like his brother, and I've seen him after people say he and his brother would look good together, man. He looked about ready to puke right then and there. But I'm almost one hundred percent sure he's straight, so even if he were to get over me being like a brother, I don't think he'd be able to get over me being a guy. Sometimes...sometimes, I just wish that I had a chance with him, you know? Like, even if I had to become a g-girl, I'd do it. I j-just re-ally..."

By this point, I was crying, sobbing and the man had gathered me into his arms and was rubbing my back in circles. "Do you wanna get out of here?" I stiffened at the question and he must have felt it because he quickly corrected himself. "Not like that, Kellin. Just to go outside and get some air. You need to cool off from crying and staying in here near all of this body heat isn't a good way to do that." And maybe it was the alcohol finally taking toll, maybe it was how warm this guy made me feel or the soothing circles he was rubbing into my back that altered my sense of what was sensible and what wasn't, but I felt myself nodding to him and not even batting an eye at the fact that I hadn't told him my name.

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