The Real Definition Of Cancer

Jan 2, 2012

Kal was skateboarding close by with one headphone in.
I heard his wheels come to a stop but I didn't care.
Usually when people were around I'd wear the black beanie my brother Sam bought me for Christmas. But I didn't even bother. Let him stare. I cried even louder just so he would hear and have to look at me.
He came over to where I was standing holding his skateboard in one hand. "sup?" he said.
I didn't  say anything at first, but then I stopped crying and looked up at him. "Obviously crying."
I replied coldly.
my eyes were red and puffy and I knew he was wanting to ride away. I knew he regretted coming over here. "can I sit here?" he asked.
I shrugged my shoulders but I didn't look at him.
what was his problem?
He really needed to leave. For a moment I wish my sickness was contagious so I could infect him. Then maybe for one, I wouldn't be so alone and two, he'd learn his lesson: don't mess with a crying cancerous girl in the first place.
A moment of silence passed and then he said, "where do you go to school at?"
"I don't go to school anymore."
"ohhhh"
he kicked a rock and said,
"I go to Buckner. up the hill."
Buckner was a public school that I had heard about from my brother.
To him, nothing but bums and junkies went to school there. I don't know what you would call Kal.
Kal was Kal. my Kal. I just didn't know it yet.
"I like your shoes." he said staring at my feet.
I was wearing crocs. He was trying to make fun of me and that's okay.
"You can get them at any shoe store.." he laughed a little and said, "Well thanks. Lime green is my favorite color. Think they'll have that kind?"
He was smiling but not evil like. kind of...nice.
"I should think so. they have every color in the rainbow."
He was still smiling but he was looking straight ahead. Not at me. He exhaled and you could see his breath because it was so cold out.
"Call me." He said writing his number on the back of a dollar general recent he pulled out from his pocket.
It was very sloppy. just like a boy. He never looked back at me that night and he boarded back the way he came from. Wherever he was headed that night he never made it.
Instead, he met me.
He gave me his number.
Why the hell would he give me his number? If I was healthy and perfect I might actually consider calling the guy. but if I called him I'd only be hurting myself. He on the otherhand, could completely forget I existed and could live and go on to find someone who has beautiful blonde hair and doesn't have cancer.
But that's stupid. He gave me his number.
Not a blonde without cancer.
I was walking to my house and small little pebbles were getting trapped in my crocs through the little holes.
I could smell a barbecue somewhere in the neighborhood.
Birds chirping.
And rain starting to fall.
My butt started vibrating from my phone in the back pocket of my jeans.
It was Dad, probably wondering where I was.
"Hello?" I said.
"Hey where are you?"
I looked around for some street marker and I said, "Watermelon Rd."
"Okay. Find a bench I'm coming to get ya."
I hung up and waited.
Right now I was glad I didn't have hair.
Because I could see some girl almost like me doing the exact same thing, but complaining about her screwed up hair.
I had heard somewhere that this girl had cancer and her hair was blonde but when she was cured, her hair grew back black.
Mine was Red and I wished that one day mine would grow back to be a light brown.
That is, if  I get cured. I just kept thinking about different kinds of hair until it hit me.
I was peeing.
And no, not because I'm sick with cancer, and this is that moment you think "oh poor girl that chemo or something might be why."
But because I have a small bladder and I was daydreaming. Guess the rain got me feeling cold and I didn't know til I felt it.
I smelled sour and gross.
I really wished I was someone else right then, because out of everyone that could have come by, Kal was whizzing by.
He smiled slightly and I couldn't do anything but purse my lips.
I didn't even look away. I was so ashamed. "thought you were going home!" he shouted from across the street. "same to you!!" i yelled back. the rain was getting pretty loud and he said, "i cant hear you!! im riding over!!" no. no. no! he was not going to see that i had peed myself.