Dead or Dying

{15} Upon the Wind

To say it hurt Rosa to leave on the day of the Valentine's Day dance was an understatement. Rather, she felt as if a searing pain lay just beside her heart. It was close enough that it would burn but not enough that she could do anything to solve it. Instead it just burned as she kept moving and moving and moving.

She couldn't look back. Not for Neville, not for Jasmine, not even for Helena. No one could keep her in Cloisterham.

After careful and inward deliberation, she made the decision to run away without a trace. It was precisely a week after the incident with Mr. Jasper, which happened to coincide with the Valentine's Day dance. But if she stayed any longer she felt as if she might drown within her fears.

She continued to walk, a chill rolling across her spine. It felt too late in the year for it to still be winter, and yet they were only two months in. Rosa missed the spring time. She didn't feel endangered in every moment by the air itself in the springtime.

But it was the chills from gusts that helped to propel her forward, further and further away from Cloisterham.

She'd rehearsed how she'd speak to people about why she needed to leave over phone and text and by tumblr post. She saved draft after draft after draft of each speech. But now that she'd left, she couldn't bear to think about contacting anyone in Cloisterham. It would hurt her far too much.

All Rosa left behind was a single note for Helena. Helena was the lone soul at Cloisterham Academy who was fully trustworthy, at least in Rosa's eyes. She wrote down what had occurred, the reasons why she had run...but not that she was running. Helena would have to remain the sole keeper of her secrets.

Rosa recalled writing the note with a trembling hand clutching her pencil, her tears staining the thin paper.

Helena,

I write to tell you of such events which I cannot bear to speak out loud. The other Friday, the day on which I first became ill, as you know, I was with Mr. Jasper. He invited me to the sundial, and I did not dare tell a soul beside you in fear that he would discover that I'd divulged our meeting and become infuriated with me.

I know you would not have released such secrets as I am about to tell you, but I felt silenced.

I went to see him at the sundial, knowing that I would not have any sort of a pleasant experience but feeling as if I would discover something to aid in my quest to find Elly's fate. I came to him expecting to leave upset but triumphant. I left him feeling as if I had sold my soul to a demon and could no longer breathe.

We spoke for several minutes, and it became clear he was never going to loosen his grasp on me. He confessed his love for me. I did not know what to do, so I just gave in to my instincts. Thus, I kissed him. I kissed him, and of course he kissed me back. He desired much more than kissing, as I am certain you are aware of.

I nearly succumbed to it all - I found myself in a haze, weakened by my emotional state and my thoughts which refused to comply with me. I didn't know what I was doing, only that I had to do it.

But he spoke to me when it came to a lull, acting as if he had not experienced any of it. He seemed to be confused, perplexed to how he ended up in such a position. I took this new weakened state of his to force him away and run. I didn't go far before I ended up fainting. It seems only natural, given how distressed I was over the matter.

I then awoke to find Mr. Jasper's hand, stroking my hair. I didn't waste a moment after I came back into consciousness. Despite my rather fragile state of health, I continued to run. I ran all the way into our dormitory room and have hardly left since.