Untitled

Part 1 Chapter 1

Aiden,

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm loosing hope. I'm breaking down. I don't know what you ever saw in me, but whatever it was it's gone. You took it with you when you walked away. And now I have nothing but a broken heart and a broken soul. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know what I'm going to do. You told me to never give up. But you also told me you loved me. You told me you cared. Maybe when you stopped loving me. When you stopped caring I stopped being able to be strong. I stopped being able to fight. And now I'm giving up.

I was the girl who always looked ahead. Never down. But never at anyone either. I just looked at what was right ahead of me. I just fought each battle as they came. That's what I was. But now there's no more fight left in me. So what am I now? Please Aiden, tell me what I am. Because I don't see anything. I don't see beauty. I dont see strength. I see pain. And hate. And fat. And imperfections. So many imperfections and I don't see a reason to fight. Give me a reason to fight. I'm falling down faster than ever. I'm loosing hope. Loosing strength.

I need a reason to believe I'm beautiful. To believe there's something left in me that's beautiful. To know that there's something left in me that has some importance. Because I'm not important. I'm just a starving, bleeding empty shell of a person. I only feel pain. And pain is not beautiful. Pain is the world telling me to give up. I'm not worth it. You wasted your time trying to help me and you must've realized it was a waste of time. That's probably why you left. You gave up on me just like everyone else. And now it's time for me to give up too. This is my final letter. I don't even know if you've read the other ones. I kind of hope you have, but at the same time I hope you haven't. I'm attaching my letters to everyone else. Can you please give them to everyone?

I know that it's been months since I wrote that first letter and it's been even longer since you left me. I know I should've stopped after the first letter when I saw that you didn't respond. God only knows why I started writing these in the first place. I should've told you earlier. I've had the date picked out for months. Today. March 18th. My mom's birthday. I'll join her on her birthday. I've reached my final goal weight. I'm 98 pounds. I'm still not happy. I've scarred every place on my skin more than once. None of those cuts have been satisfying enough.

Don't miss me. I won't miss you. I'll be glad to be away from you. Having you live next door has been slowly killing me. The worst part of death has to be the dying. When you're still alive, but barely breathing. I know what that feels like. That's what I've been feeling for years and it's just getting worse.

Right now, I'm eating a cupcake. And I'm drinking a beer. The last two things to touch my mouth. A vanilla cupcake with pink frosting and beer.

Goodbye,

Olivia