I'll See You In My Dreams

Dream 2: Sombrero of doom

Hi there my lovely stars...im gonna call you guys that..or just the people who read this. Its your friendly neighborhood turtle here to let you know that this hat thing isnt real, sorry, but the pyramid thing is.yaayy.well.see ya later.
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My mother warned, me of many things. Drugs, rapist, Donald trump, bullies etc.
The list goes on. Anyways, what I'm trying to say is, she didn't warn me about what the antique store held. The Sombrero of doom. Seems like your average Mexican person's hat.
Nope. Wrong. Let me tell you why I'm at the bottom of the sea wth all the fish.

I went out after school to the antique shop known for their cool stuff. None of that mainstream stuff like a blender that sings or a leg lamp, or stuff that your grandma sells from her garage.
It had some crazy cool gadgets. Like a sonic screwdriver and a blue telephone box preserved here since the stone age. And a really cool hover board that still functions right since 2020. Okay, well, they have a rack of cool hats. It's sunny out so I'm like 'might as well buy a hat, right?' There were many to choose from, but I stuck to this one. It has a wide brim, woven with dried out corn leaves in many colors forming an Aztec pattern. I try it on and it fits perfectly. I go up to the cashier dude and he's like 'Yo, wanna know the story behind this hat?,' I'm like, 'sure'.

Well, the story goes that this hat was made for those to wear when they disobeyed the laws of the sun. Aztec people stuff. You feel me? One must wear this hat while walking up the steps of Cholula on the hottest day of the year. They must sweat into the hat. They believed that the amount of sweat the hat soaks up, is the amount of times you "disobeyed" the sun. So like, lying, cheating, harming others etc. So, depending on how any times you disobeyed, you can be chained down to the surface of a pool, or a pond full of fish. Or you can be chained down to the bottom of the ocean. Theres no way you can get out at all. But if you've done no wrong throughout the year, you're granted with a glass of water and a banner saying 'YOU DID IT :D' in bold, bright red letters that are said to be painted with the hat's victim's blood.

I told him it was a bunch of bologna and that i didn't believe him. Being the idiot i am, i put this whole thing to the test. Throughout the next few months, I sold wolf tickets (a.k.a lies) from left to right. Clearly "disobeying" the sun. When the hottest day of the year came, (insert date here), I put my hat on and walked the streets of San Francisco. The streets are literally paved onto a mountain (literally, wear comfy shoes when you go to s.f). People didn't notice me, some took quick glances, and others stared. Those who stared immediately ran out of my way. They probably don't wanna be infected by a bad fashion choice. This is one ugly ass hat.

I started to sweat, a lot. I didn't know if I should be worried or excited. Worried because I don't want to end up at the bottom of some large body of water and live with fish, and excited so I can prove everyone wrong that this isn't a poor fashion choice for the most hottest day ever. By the time I was walking down the street of the antique shop to tell the dude that his story is wrong, the hat started to soak up. It was leaking water. There was water shooting out of every gap. It was spilling out. Like when you add too much water into a bucket. The hat started to get heavier and heavier on my head. The weight pulling me down to my knees. I couldn't shout for help because my lungs were full of water and my mouth was gushing out salty ass water. I couldn't breathe either. My vision started to blur, and the last thing I saw was the dude from the antique shop giving me a smile and shouted out ''I TOLD YOU SO''.

And that all happened before I ended up here. My feet chained to the surface of the ocean. Fish swim over me. Little turtles walk on the sand. Starfish just float aimlessly. There are boat scraps here, along with other machinery parts. I notice some sharks swimming above my head, they pay no attention to my being. I never wanted to die so much in my life. I try to scream out to the hot mermaids sitting on the huge rock a few feet away from me, but they can't hear me because my lungs are full of water. I just look like a broken volcanoe to them. Spilling out water every now and then. I can hear whales thousands of feet above me singing out tøp lyrics. This water is saltier than me. I don't even know what's real anymore. Not even sure if this whole thing is real. Maybe it's a dream. If it is, I hope to wake up soon.
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Oh my stars, wow, this some crazy shit right here. Did you enjoy it? I know I did. Mmmmmm, i stayed in the whole day in my room, it was a blast. By the way, you should read my other stories I have. Okay, byeeee.
This message has been brought to you by the hesitant turtle who travels through space in a taxi cab with a trunk full of chimichangas.

YOU SAUCY BOY -Lord Caplet