Heart of Glass

Chapter 5

Saturday comes and goes, and still Phil is gone. I begin to panic. Where is he? Is he off with PJ again? Oh, I'm such an idiot! I should've known he didn't love me. No one ever did.

People start to realize I've been absent for longer than usual, and my friends send me frantic texts asking where I am and if I'm even still alive. I ignore them, unable to bring myself to reply. In fact, I'm unable to bring myself to do anything. "Oh Phil," I mumble to myself, "come home soon."

~ONE MONTH LATER~

I force a smile at the girl that stares back at me. She's nervously twirling her hair as her eyes scan the menu. "What are you having?" she asks eventually, too distressed to find something for herself. "Oh, uh, the chicken salad," I say, and she nods.

Soon, we have our chicken salads. I stare at the leaves, not really hungry. "So, what happened to Phil?" the girl suddenly asks, and I tense. She realizes her mistake and immediately turns apologetic.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize-"

I force myself to relax. "No, no, it's fine," I choke out, "you didn't know." Still the girl offers a sorry smile at me, patting my hand comfortingly. "Here, let me pay," she says, grabbing the black leather book thing. This snaps me out of my trance. I grab it out of her hands. "No, let me," I say. I put in my credit card before the girl can protest. She rolls her eyes, smiling.

We walk out of the restaurant, hands clasped together. "So, Mary, did you have a nice night?" I ask her, and she nods. "Yes, it was very fun. I'm just curious about Phil, though. Could you please tell me what happened? You don't have to if you don't want to," she adds the last part quickly. I glance around nervously, then back at her. "Well, we were dating for a while. Until he...... disappeared," I say softly, eyes trained on the ground. Mary kisses my cheek. "I'm sorry," she whispers. I close my eyes, leaning into her comforting touch.

"It's alright. Not your fault he left me. I mean, after all, who could love me?"

"Don't talk like that, Daniel."

"Sorry."

Mary and I say our farewells and I head home. I smile to myself. Maybe I could get over Phil. Maybe Mary and I would work out. Yeah, I don't need Phil. He is a thing of the past now. I don't love him anymore, he-

He's right in front of me. Philip Michael Lester, in all his glory, is standing in the center of my living room. I stare at him in disbelief, and he smiles sadly. "I'm sorry, Dan," he says. I don't say anything. "Look. I was being dumb. It was a stupid thing to do. I - "

I tackle him in a hug, tears rolling down my cheeks. "Phil! You came back!"

"Yeah. I came back." Phil hugs me and we stand in the front door, in each other's arms. Suddenly, a chilly wind blows through the door and I shiver, and break from Phil's grasp to shut it. I turn to Phil and look in his eyes.

"Idiot." Phil laughs.

"Why? I came back!" Phil holds up his arms in defeat.

"Because you left in the first place!" I brush past Phil and take off my jacket, throwing it on a chair.

Phil follows me into the kitchen. "Dan, I'm sorry."

"Just forget about it," I snap.

"Dan - "

"I said forget about it!" I'm angry for some reason now. Maybe it's Phil leaving. Maybe it's Mary. Maybe it's my own stupidity for letting myself fall in love with him.

"Dan," Phil says firmly, and I turn around, tears threatening to spill.

"Yes?" I ask, my voice breaking.

"Dan, I'm sorry. I really am. I don't know what got into me. I just - well, I couldn't live with myself, knowing I'd cheated on my best friend and my love. I didn't want to hurt you, Dan!"

"Well you did!"

"Dan, please forgive me! I love you." This time it's Phil's voice that breaks.

"Why, Phil? Why should I forgive you? You left me after kissing another boy without saying anything about it! You could've at least told me in person! But you didn't. You left. And explained everything in a f***ing letter!" Phil winces and opens his mouth to say more, but I don't let him.

"What's your excuse this time, Philip? Did you stay away because Mommy called you with a 'family emergency'? Is that it?" I turn away, tears streaming down both mine and Phil's cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Dan."

"You know what? Sometimes sorry doesn't cut it!"

I rush down the hall and grab my jacket again, throwing the front door open.

"Dan!" I hear Phil call after me. "Where are you going!?"

"Far, far away." I slam the door behind me and thunder down the stairs. I have to get away from Phil.

I rush down the street, going nowhere in particular, when I run into a girl. I look up and see that it's Mary.

"Dan? What happened?" I search her face, at a loss for words.

I finally find my voice. "Not now, Mary. I'll explain later." I try to keep walking, but she grabs my arm.

"Dan - "

"Mary, not now, please!"

"Dan . . . "

"No, Mary." I say firmly, and pull my arm free, continuing down the street. My vision is blinded by tears as I go wherever my feet take me. Soon, I find myself at the train station. I buy myself a ticket to go to Manchester. Anywhere is good. As long as Phil is nowhere near me.

Why did you do this to yourself, Dan? Why did you let yourself fall in love?