I don't really know who I am anymore. I feel like a crushed rose weathered and torn by my experiences. I feel like a foolish girl picking the petals off that beautiful rose from the rose bush in her front yard just chanting, "He loves me not, He loves me, He love me not," and cheating just a little bit hoping I can fool myself into thinking he loves me because I know the total outcome...he doesn't love me. And all my life I've just been disappointed but I keep looking...hoping things will get better but they never do. This superficial love from my Dad, teachers, friends....it's honestly killing me inside. Yea I'm unique but not in a good way. I cut, I'm broken, I bang my head on walls and objects because I want to find my limit. I want to see that limit and I want to fly past it. I want to go away. I want to curl up and hide from my problems, my fears, everything. I feel like I disappoint everyone-especially my mom. Yea, I absolutely can't stand her and we get in a bunch of fights but I don't honestly want to hurt her but I either do something mean or I say some mean things. I laugh about it but inside I'm crying about it because I hate who I've become....I hate myself so so much. I've hurt so many people and I'm just a living bomb. You never know when I'm gonna blow up.
Well.... "Pain demands to be felt."
