Jily

Chapter 21

Lily's POV

The next day, we went the funeral. It was awfully saddening. James did the best that he could to hold it together. He clutched onto my hand the entire time as if it was a life line. Hoards of people offered their greatest of condolences to him and he always smiled gratefully back, but I knew how terrible he really felt. The smile of gratitude that he offered away to everybody was just a facade that masked his true, deep sadness and anger.

He tried not to go. I had to enlist the help of both Remus and Peter to help me get him to the funeral. He was not ready to face his own grief, let alone the sorrows of others. Eventually, though, we got him up and dressed and ready to go. He dragged his feet as all of us slowly made our way to the front gates. Dumbledore allowed all of us to go to the funeral. He was aware of how close we all were and how much our presences could aid those that were in pain.

We apparated to the funeral since more than half of us attending already knew how. James normally would eagerly apparate but nothing about him is normal anymore. I apparated the two of us.

The funeral was incredibly depressing. Naturally, it was a very bleak affair. They tried to make things a little lighter by charming pictures of the Potters to float in the air, but they decided that it was useless and only making things more sad, so they charmed them away.

I could tell that James was trying to be strong. He did not like crying in public even at a time like this. But if the grip he had on my hand was any intimation, this was a very difficult thing for him to do. After about half an hour of standing in the room, Sirius decided that he could not take it anymore and he disappeared into some other room of the funeral home. Marlene stayed by us but she was constantly looking at the door in hope that Sirius would return and comfort her. Every once in a while I would offer her a comforting squeeze on the shoulder. Remus and Peter stood behind James and I. They respectfully crossed their hands in front of them and did not speak a word. They just stood there, looking solemn and watched the sadness unfold before them.

Some of James' Aunts and Uncles came and stood near us for a little while, accepting the deepest of condolences from people, taking some of the weight off of James. It was almost like he was numb to everything. He tried his best to block out everything. Luckily for him, the dam had not broken yet, but I could tell that it was a delicate wall that could easily break at any second. When that happened, everything would crash and be destroyed. But that is what he needed. He just needed to start over. If only that was not so painful of a thing, starting over. If only. 

I do not tell James any of my opinions or advice that I think will help get him through this. He needs to figure out most of that on his own when he is ready. All I do is offer him the help that he needs, the affection, the words that he needs to hear. Because I am here for him. No matter what. 

Around 9 o' clock, nobody except for the six of us remained at the funeral home. We wordlessly went on a search for Sirius. We found him in the kitchen at the basement of the funeral home. He had a bottle of Fire Whiskey in his hand. 

Remus silently took the bottle from him. Sirius did not refuse, he did not fight back. He was too tired to resist. And with that, we left.

Everybody was absolutely exhausted. It had been an emotional day that was just filled with downs and no ups.

Tomorrow would be just as bad. Tomorrow was the day that they were going to be buried. Hopefully, there would be some sort of up after that. Hopefully.