My Hero ~ Newtmas

~ 1 ~

I shucking hate this place... There is no escape... I can't get out of here... There's no hope... There's no reason to live... So I've decided... I'm gonna die... Goodbye cruel world... 

I look to my right to see a beetle blade, following me up my path to the top of the maze where the ivy ends. I'm already halfway up the maze walls. It's high enough. I climb up a bit more and face the beetle blade. "Look at what you've done... Congratulations... You've successfully made our lives a living hell... And for what?! If anything, it should be you in my position right now. You bloody deserve it... I'll see you in hell!"

Then... I jumped... And as soon as I touched the ground, I felt a wave of darkness shine over me... I was dead... So this is what it felt like to be dead... If I had known it would be this peaceful, I would've killed myself a long time ago... 

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•5 days later•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

I woke up to see Minho's face slowly coming into my eyesight. Wait... I'm supposed to be dead! I then try and sit up as quick as possible, only to be accompanied by a stinging pain in my lower back and ribs. I wince and stay in the position I am, trying not to move. I was sitting up and I looked down at my legs... Oh god... They were bloody awful...

It looks as if the bones shattered inside my body and it was all out of order... The legs were black and purple due to bruising and they were all shucked up... "Oh shit..." I mumble. Why am I still alive?! I deserve to be dead! I would rather be dead then have to deal with these shucked up body for the rest of my life! I realize all the anger building up in me, then think, if I want to die, I'm already so close to death, so it would be easier to kill myself now... It can't be so hard this time... But see, I'm so bad at everything that I even failed at killing myself! God... Kill. Me. Now.

I start thrashing about, purposely causing unbearable shocks of pain throughout my body. I fall of the bed and am greeted by another wave of darkness... Finally... I'm dead... I'm truly dead...

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•3 days later•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

I wake up again and see that I'm still. Shucking. Alive... When will this end?! Why am I still alive?! I don't deserve to be alive! This is all just a big shucking mistake...

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•1 year later•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

I am all the way better, I still have this shucking limp though... I'm stuck with it for life... Things are back to normal now. I'm back to being second in command, and I'm back to my normal job in the glade, and I'm back to the miserable life I have to deal with... No one understands the pain I go through... I started cutting a few months ago... And have these nasty scars all along my arms, but I havnt tried any real suicide attempts since the jump... I'm slowly making progress... I would be completely well... If it weren't for a certain thing happening... It happens every night... 12am... Only me and a certain person knows about... And that certain person is evil... He ruins everything... He is the reason I'm cutting... He is the reason I want to die... He is the reason I jumped...

If only someone knew...

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•Now•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Today is the day we get a new greenie from the box. He'll probably be like everyone else, useless... Like me... The siren goes off and I head toward the box, ready to greet the new greenie. As always. I walked over and waited for a good five minutes before the box opened up.

I jumped in, not looking at him until I got to my feet. Oh. My. God... He was perfect... His body was the sexiest thing I've ever seen... And his rosy pink lips were so tempting to just kiss in front of everyone. And his eyes... Oh god, his eyes! Wow... They were the most beautiful shade of brown, so warm and welcoming, with little flecks of gold in them... Oh god... I knew that I was gay, but I am falling head over heels for this new greenie. I realize I'm staring and soon walk over to him and greet him, "Hey, Greenie, I'm Newt. Welcome to the glade."