His Forever (His #2)

Chapter 1 : Mr. Changeable

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Three weeks.

It's been three weeks since I last left this room. Hell, it's been three weeks since I last left this bed.

I'm a mess. Complete and utter mess and I can't bring myself together. Even after three weeks, it still hurts.

There is that ache in my chest that just doesn't want to leave me these days and I fear I'll have to live with it. It hurts so much. It hurts to breathe. To live. It's that kind of a pain that you can't really ever heal. You can't do anything about it, just hope it'll pass someday. I hope this day comes soon because I don't know how much longer I can go on like this.

I miss him. I miss him with every fibre of my body, every cell in my body is crying for him, along with my eyes that are now swollen and red and they've been like that since the day he slammed the door behind him as he walked out of my life. The skin around my eyes hurts from rubbing them so much, my nose and skin under it hurt from blowing it so much.

I've never thought it'll hurt losing someone so much. It's like ... I died, but I'm still breathing. Yes, it's that bad. I ache for him.

I fell in love with him and I fell hard, crushed even harder. It's not that I didn't know how much I love him - it's just that I never realised how deep he buried himself under my skin.

I still hate him for what he said. His hateful words keep replaying in my head, making me go crazy. But then, what's even more painful, the good memories come flooding in. How we were together, his kisses, his touches, his looks ... everything is there in my mind, replaying the events.

I've barely eaten anything. If it wasn't for Brooke stomping in my room three days after that fight with Braden, demanding if I don't eat something, she'll shove the food in my mouth with her own hands.

Brooke was really great, no matter how much she reminded me of Braden. She's been there for me, caring for me all along. She's been listening to me crying, picking me up from the floor when I just didn't have any energy in me to move and came to my room in the middle of the nights when I woke up screaming and crying for Braden and he wasn't there. It sometimes happened more than once in one night.

I feel literally obsessed with Braden. Or that I have a satan living inside of my body, not allowing me to forget how much I miss him.

God, it hurts. It hurts so damn much.

I haven't gone to work, not even once. I've barely showered and I haven't talked to anyone because I sent all the things that Braden gave me back to him - a phone, a necklace, earrings and all of the clothes. I had to ask Brooke to send the stuff because I didn't know Braden's address. I don't know where he took me that day when I was released from the hospital.

I even made sure that the half a million dollars he gave me, were given back to him. It was too painful having things that reminded me of him. I don't want anything from him.

Except, I kept some of his clothes he left here. I didn't have it in me to return them because some of them still smelt like him and as much as it brought me a misery, it also made me safe and protected.

Besides, I like being alone in my own misery. Nobody knows what happened between us except for Brooke and Aaron, and that's only because she told him and he's been to the flat once, seeing the state I was in.

I actually feel pretty pathetic, because I can't stop crying and can't stop thinking about him. I'm carrying his child. A child that he doesn't want and even dared to imply isn't his. That probably hurt the most.