The New Girl

Goodbye

Okay, this one is going to be very dramatic and tissues are probably a MUST have...
(Listen to the song while reading)

"Lucas?" I say as I look down into his forest green eyes, and I smile chuckling lightly.
"Yeah, I'm here" he says smiling, I can't see how after just being hit by a car.
"Good" I say, and I hug him, "Never let go"
"Wasn't planning on it" he says, kissing my forehead.
We sit the rest of the ride in silence as the perimedic does their work and we arive he is taken almost ammidetly after we get there to emergency care.

It's been 2 hours, now, since we've been here. They still aren't letting me see him. I geuss they had to do 'emergency' surgery on his leg.
All I can think about is Lucas and Riley.
She didn't deserve this, any of this. Me, the guys, Missy, the crash, death.
Neither did the Matthews family, all I have caused her and her family is pain, and trouble. And I can't take any of it back...
I hurt her, and she never knew it.
I betrayed her, yet she never realised.
I set her up to fail, and she did.
I said faked Hello, but never got a real Goodbye.
I never can Apogise, I never can see her succeed, I never can build her up, or gain her true trust , and I never can say goodbye.
It truly is to late to say sorry...
And I never can forgive myself.
But there is a way, a way to talk to her. Her funeral. Being her "best friend" I'll have to say a few words, even if her parents don't want me too.
I know what I have to do.
I have to say Sorry.

"Maya?" I hear a familiar voice say, and I look up at Farkle and Zay, bringing tear to my eyes.
"Yeah.." I say, in a soft whisper.
"Are you ok?" Zay asks, sitting on my right and Farkle on my left, and I shake my head and start to cry into his shoulder.
"She's.......gone..." I say, barley able to speak, yet they somehow manage to hear what I said.
"Riley?" Farkle asks, gulping nervously. And I nod, and he puts his head in his hands. While Zay just sits there caressing my hair in an attempt to comfort me.
"It'll be ok" he says and I nod into his chest.
And he's right, it's not okay, but it will be.

***

*A week later*

"I'll get it!" I shout to my mom as I run to the door, today's the day.
I open it to see Farkle, Zay and Lucas, I motion them to come in.
"Hey..." I say lightly to break the akward silence.
I'm so glad Lucas wasn't severely hurt, just a broken ankle, and sprained wrist and a few other scrapes and bruises.
I remember they first day in the hospital, when I can in after his surgery his first words to me wear,"I'll be needing Stitches" he said pointing to the cut across his arm.
The memory made Me laugh, causing me to get weird stares from the guys.
I guess I deserve it, I am about to go to a funeral.
"It's time" my mom say, walking to us, and leading us to the door right in front of us.
This should be an interesting day.

***

As we arive at the church, I see a LOT of people here, all in black and tears.
I already knew it was going to be a long day, but things just keep getting worse.
We walk into the building, decorated with light purple roses, and cerry red tulips, and pictures everywear. We go to the main room, after managing to pass a maze of people.
At the front of the room I see a casket and her family.
Seeing the sight of little Auggie breaks my heart into a million peices. He's in a black suit, his eyes puffy from crying, his hairs a mess. And his face is a faint shade of pink and he's in tears.
I look to her dad, who is just staring at the closed casket, along with her mom.
Closed Casket, the only reason as to why it would be closed that I can think of is the fact that, the car was on fire, probably burning her little body to a crisp.
We casually walk to one of the front rows and sit on the church bench.
I have never really been to church before, I don't really have a family that does that. So it's all pretty new to me still, but I never expected my first visit to a church to be like this.

I faintly hear bells ring, making everyone take their seats.
"Today we are gathered here, for the sake of this young girl, Riley Matthews. Who's young life, was so violently striped away from her. Now I ask you to rise for a prayer." The paster and everyone stands, closes their eyes and bows their heads.
"Dear god, thank you for this wonderful girl, and all she did for us all in this world. Thank you for giving us such and great person, to call our friend, daughter, sister. We shall all wonder, why you have made such a short life for such a great person. But we Thank you today, for giving us a chance to love, and care for this young girl, and in Jesus name, Amen."
"Amen" we all repeat and sit.
"Now, I ask Mrs, and Mr, Matthews to come share a few word for their daughter." She says, and the Matthews walk up to the front of the room.
" I don't know what to say, honestly. I don't feel like there's much to say. She was my daughter, she was strong, loyal, and beautiful. I feel as though this is my fault somehow, I could have prevented it, but I know I couldn't have. I love you Riley, and I wish you had been here, a lot longer. You may have just been meeting the world, but I'd say you were doing it in the best ways possible, we are so proud of you. We will always miss you so much, we love you, forever and always." They finish, and leave me and most others in tears. And clinging onto the last word. Always.
"Now we ask Miss. Maya Hart to come say a few words as her best friend." I hear, and I stand up, and nervousness and fear overcome my body.
I walk to the front, where the white casket with red roses cover the top, and I place my bright purple rose, i've been holding, right on top of the rest and turn to face the hundreds of people.
"Many of you would consider me to have been Rileys best friend. But the truth is, I'm not. I lied to her, betrayed her, failed her, and she never deserved any of it. She doesn't deserve this. And I wish I could say sorry, you have no idea how bad I feel. I couldn't have meet a better person, and I couldn't have been worse to her. And the worst part, is she never even knew. And now, it's far to late to say sorry. I love you so much Riles," I say turning to the closed casket, and I start to sing one of my favorite songs.

"I hope you know that, I never meant anything I've ever done to you. You where the best person, I'll ever meet in my entire life, and I love you, forever and always. And I hope you can consider this, my goodbye." I finish, balling my eyes out I walk back to my seat.
I did it.
I said goodbye.

Casually goes to the north pole, to blend in as an elf. Hoping no one every finds me and kills me.
I don't know about you guys, but this chapter has killed me. Writing it was probably the hardest thing I'll ever do.
Xoxo