Islam and...

Islam and Grief

 Recently, a dear relative of mine passed away. To Allah we belong and to Him is our return. This relative was truly an extraordinary human being, one who, in a society where having daughters is considered shameful or a burden, raised his four daughters with so much love and empathy that left everyone else shocked. His heart was open to so many, he listened to everyone's problems, heard their complaints, their insults, and tried his best to give everyone the rights they had. May God forgive his mistakes and grant his soul ease.

When our family heard the news, we were gutted. Not only do we live oceans apart, but we hadn't seen him in three years. We could not attend the funeral, we could not reach out to his family and console them or support them. The feeling of helplessness that overtook us still shakes me.

However, even in that moment of grief, even in that moment of pain and helplessness, the first thing that naturally came out of our family's mouths was 'To Allah we belong and to Him we must return.' Even after losing their father, his daughters (the youngest who is only 18!) kept thanking Allah for the time they spent with their father (he had been sick for the past year), kept thanking Allah that their father went in his sleep.

And this is the beauty of Islam that I am realizing. There is always more - the souls that depart are never alone. The people we love are never just gone - they are with their creator. This is not to say that the loss of our dear ones doesn't hurt, but there is great comfort in the fact that death is not an absolute end, but rather the beginning of a different and more permanent journey. So, even with death, there is dignity and there is hope.

There is even dignity in mourning. Mourning means that our hearts are alive - that we feel pain and we feel sorrow. Allah has put this in our hearts - the need to sit down and properly acknowledge the loss and pain. But we are also told to get up after three days - to start picking up the pieces. This does not mean that we should stop feeling sad but it means that we need to give ourselves routine to recover. So many times, especially in regards to mental health, we are told that its okay if we sit days on end in our rooms, isolated from people. We are told that we must do 'whatever' we can to make ourselves feel better. Ask any real health professional - this is NOT the way you go about recovering. Routine helps, getting back to our lives helps, interacting with others helps. Sure, we need time alone to re-charge, but we also need others around us.

The grief and helplessness that comes from loss is immense - but Islam offers a solution for this, a way to overcome this feeling of not being able to do anything - prayer. Allah tells us to pray for the person, to pray for his/her family. Despite us being oceans away, there were so many prayers going his way, during his sickness and his death. The way that prayer lets you express your emotions, expose your grief and feelings, and acknowledge your loss is magical, honestly. It reminds you that your heart is not dead, it reminds you of the fact that whatever little time you had with the person was a blessing in it's self.

People get bitter because they believe that they shouldn't have to feel sorrow and God taking away someone close to them means that He is cruel. But our hearts are MADE to feel the sorrow, to feel the bad, to feel the loss. God has created us to feel that and that is a blessing - those who cannot feel pain and grief are honestly lost and dangerous.

All of this does not mean that loss hurts any less - but for me, Islam has given me tools to handle the loss. It has given me solace and support that I so desperately needed after having felt the loss of not only older dear relatives who were role models and mentors, but also that of a young relative, a baby cousin. It stopped me from becoming bitter and fearful, and I pray that Allah keeps me on the straight path, and allows my heart to be alive, through the good and the bad.