It basically all started over the summer as a simple, normal trip to Dairy Queen. I go basically everyday (because I'm a fatty), so this trip was nothing special. In fact, almost all of the workers referred to me as, "the Lard," and they would continuously offer me countless new Blizzard flavors I couldn't help but try. Oreo smothered on top of cheesecake? Tried it. Honey bun mixed with Butterfinger chunks? I tried that months ago. MnM's blended with gummy bears mixed with strawberry chunks all thrown into one cup...I didn't actually like that one, too much sweetness, but I still tried it.
I was riding into town in my fiery red Razor push scooter, looking as cool as ever. As I was propelling myself further onto the pavement (my town won't let you ride on the sidewalk due to "safety for the walkers and runners"...nobody goes for walks or runs anymore! We're all fatties. Would you rather me ride on the sidewalk and run over a snail or two, or ride in the street and get crushed by a semi truck?), I came to a stop. There is was. The beloved Dairy Queen. I can see the giant billboard thingy from my bedroom window. The red lips taunted me more than every today. I knew exactly what I wanted. A birthday cake flavored Blizzard. I licked my lips on anticipation.
I pushed through the final few yard on my scooter, feeling the burn in my calves and sides. What would make it feel better more than a nice large Blizzard? I could feel my arteries clogging right then and there just thinking about the ice cream.
I parked my scooter next to the bike rack (I still don't understand why the don't have scooter racks. More people use scooters anyways.). I walk up to the curtained off, red window and ring the bell. It takes a few moments until I hear someone stirring inside. I try to peek through the curtain to see if someone recognized me and is making my usual, but I don't see anyone until I hear someone curse under their breath. I hear someone whisper, "Gosh danggit...the Lard is here."
I stiffen up. They did recognize me! I love my fans.
"Oh crap, no...not her," I heard another voice hiss.
"Who's 'the Lard?'" I heard a younger, more innocent voice say. Confused little kiddy. Couldn't he hear the ground shaking when I walked up?
"Micah, little brother, it's complicated," said one voice.
I heard Micah sniffle. Poor boy must have a cold. "Please, explain. Maybe I could serve her! It's my first day working here, I should know how to serve this said 'Lard.'
One of the voice sighed. "Not yet. Let Hayden show you how, then you can serve her next tomorrow. She comes like every two seconds, so you won't be missing her."
Micah squealed. Is he 4?
The curtain opened to reveal....oh my gosh... A cute boy. I don't know how to react. I felt like I was flying, my head was spinning, my heart was throbbing. I read his name tag. Hayden. He looked a little older than me...maybe he was a senior? I didn't really care. He was the perfect person for the perfect Dairy Queen worker.
"Hello Lard! What can I get you?" Hayden says. I peek through the curtain and see two other people. One older boy, maybe in college, and one teenaged boy about my age. They all all similar features, though...maybe they were siblings? Hayden forces a smile.
I didn't know how to speak. I'd been to Dairy Queen so many times before (9,452 to be exact) and I had never seen this smoking bunch before. They all were cute (except the oldest one. He must have gotten some random recessive gene or something), except Hayden was the hottest. He had, from the looks of it, a nice butt. I decided to call him the Booty.
The Booty rolled his eyes. "Any day now, Lard."
All morning I had been craving a birthday cake Blizzard but now...I was craving something different...I was craving boys.
"Gimme a hot fudge sundae," I said with a wink.
