Anonymous (Harry Styles)

 P R O L O G U E: HER

I often think that names happen to define who you are as a person. Imagine a girl, blonde hair, grey eyes. She was ordinary, nothing out of the ordinary, except her head was stuck in the clouds; left in the realms of fantasy and romances. You could think of billions of names to fit in for this girl, for me, and I could bet that you’d never get it. Never.

Because often the names we are given are not the names best suited for us, and sometimes… just once in a blue moon, the name describes us entirely.

Take the name Summer for example, Summer was named after a season of the year. Most would argue it was the prettiest of the seasons, her parents thought she was the prettiest thing they’d ever seen. That was how they decided on the name, she was as pretty as the blue skies in the middle of summer.

India, exotic, named after a whole country.

Sapphire? A jewel.

Many girls’ names depict what you meant to them, how much you have changed their lives and how much they love you. Maybe thye gave you a name with a much raw and deeper meaning, a middle name of Rose because that was the name of your mother’s grand-mother, or you were named Elizabeth after your great-aunt.

All names essentially come down to something, because that moment when you say your name, that is how they will think of you for as long as you know them. How they’ll find you on their phone to call you, or when they see you on the streets they shout your name to grab your attention.

Then there’s the moments when you meet someone in your man's life, they will say “Oh, you must be …  I’ve heard so much about you.”

This is how memories are made, with that girl who you fell in love with, her name is always remembered.

So that’s why when he asked me for my name, I decided not to tell him.

I’m a sucker for romances I read in literature, Mr Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet or Romeo and Juliet, even in mythology, Paris and Helen of Troy, even Maid Marian and Robin Hood. Anything. Everything. I wanted that. I wanted the kind of romance when everything went smoothly but never quite perfectly. I wanted a romance that could be written about.

Romances when she’s liked him since the moment she laid her eyes on him across a crowded room, or when all the odds are against them that they just can’t find a way to be together until that one second when they realise that the love is all that they need. I want a love when every single moment in your life has led up to this moment of romance. Everything and everyone is just a fleeting memory, but the love is for life. 

The day was a wedding when I met a boy, there’s no need to say his name. It was a summer wedding and the bride was called Kate, and happened to be my cousin. Kate was marrying a man called Rob and she told me that it was going to be the happiest day of her life to finally say she was to be with Rob for the rest of her life.

I smiled, I wore a mask that didn’t show that even though I’m a 19 year old, still a teenager, I’m waiting for that moment when my life can begin.

My bridesmaid dress was made perfectly, I held Kate’s hand as she stressed to allow the vision of her dream wedding become a reality, and I promised her that even if the little things go wrong, her day will still be hers forever.

The day before the wedding at Kate’s father, my uncle’s, country house felt like every epilogue of an excellent romance novel. Kate was questioning Rob’s love for her, and was everything of a bride the day before her wedding. Kate is virtuous, but managed to show a neurotic side of panic as she wondered if the wedding would even go ahead like she wanted it. She first says she wants time to go quicker so she can be married, and then she wants it to slow down so that she can remember every single moment that led up to her wedding day.

Then the wedding came and I slipped into my dress and made sure to be the perfect bridesmaid to my favourite cousin, the best man passed on the message that Rob was ready and waiting and Kate let out a squeal when her father asked if she was ready. I took my flowers, applied lip gloss to Kate’s pink lips and told her not to cry or she’d ruin the make-up that I had spent over an hour on.

In the last few moments of being just Kate, all Kate wanted to do was to become Rob’s wife.

It was a stupid thing to think of as I walked down the aisle, but I couldn’t help but wish that the perfect guy for me would happen to fall into my lap. Kate was marrying her soul mate, a man she had known almost her whole life. It was perfect and I wanted her life. Anyone who knew me already would never think that I’d want all this for myself, anyone sat on the bride’s side of the alter wouldn't think that I would want to be married to the love of my life already. It was like I needed a man to define who I was; I’m clearly not the best person to advertise feminism.

Too many people at this wedding knew my name, they knew who I was, they knew my family and they knew everything that they had been told about me. They’d heard and decided what I was like already.

But to one person in that room, they had nothing. Not an inkling to who this girl was. The girl with the peach bridesmaid dress, the blonde hair and the bright smile. There was nothing...

Not even a name.

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I really couldn't help myself. I really couldn't. I've wanted to update this for so long so... there we go

I'm really nervous about uploading this, so please vote and coment what you think :)  

Coming December 2013