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       Honestly, I didn't intend on ruining a wedding and running off with the bride. Yet here I was, speeding down an ugly, peach carpet and causing the ceremony to come to a sudden halt. How it got to this point, I wasn't quite sure. All I really knew was that I couldn't let the stunning, angelic maiden in the gorgeous, white dress betroth herself to that man.

      It wasn't one bit premeditated, and that's about all I can tell you in absolute, 100 percent confidence. I arrived a bit late, placed my wedding gift alongside the many others, and seated myself beside Crazy Aunt Myrtle in the pews. What had changed in that brief thirty minutes? See, I can't exactly tell you without spoiling the story. That's really not how this works. I can't just reveal the ending. Haven't you ever read a book before? Geez.

     Back to the point, the entire tale of how I'd ended up here would definitely have to be told right from the beginning. So get ready, my friends. We're about to take an excruciating trip down the rabbit hole of my embarrassing teenage years.

     It's storytime, buddy.

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