Uniquely Different

After the end

Dear reader,

welcome to my messed up mind i feel i should warn you; be careful you dont get lost in my thoughts they my just kill you like they have me. My mind is like a poison, full of dark thoughts and bright colors. I like to color and play hide and seek but I'm sixteen and need to grow up i suppose. My world was so beautiful and bright but then everything went grew. I didn't know what to do i felt so invisible so i turned to my friends. Some understood some didn't but no one knew how to help me. I just wanted to feel important to not be ignored to find where i belonged but that didn't happen. My super hero fantasy of a fairytale ending never showed up to save me. So i was left with nothing and no one and yet i kept smiling despite how i felt. I knew i had to pretend to be happy for everyone who cared about me. This made things worse for me though but i didn't mind because I was just me after all i didn't matter. I looked at the world and all i saw was hopeless depression and i knew i was unwanted and unloved so why no kill myself. I never did anything to deserve this but i just wanted something to be about me. I thought my death would be focused on me but it wasnt. Yes i wanted attention i needed someone to see me and know i wasn't okay and to say that it was okay not to be okay but no one did. My feelings are so strong i feel things so intensely and i dont know how to express them. I think there is something wrong with me to be honest its just all so messed up. Everything changed so fast i couldn't keep up. I needed a constant to keep me alive. I was slowly drowning in my own insecurities but no one noticed. I wanted and needed someone to help me put the pieces of my heart together to hold me when i cried to protect me from myself to put the color back into my world. No one would be that for me. It wasn't their fault they didn't care. I honestly wouldn't care about me either. I knew it was wrong and selfish and I was not stupid i knew it would hurt people but I was done caring. I was just done with it all period. So i killed myself and ended my pain and life went on just the same.