Tainted Love (A Marilyn Manson Love Story)

Of Course (April's P.O.V)

April's P.O.V

I didn't know what to do when I saw Brian looking down at me. Maybe I should get up and hug him. I don't know. He looked so... scarred. He actually cared. Wait scratch that. I know he cares. He loves me. I guess I should say I cared. I haven't felt that way in a long time. I honestly have been on the edge for about a month now. I've gained weight, and It's put a cloud over my head. When Brian picked me up and helped wash away the blood, I was surprised. And very grateful. At least, in the inside. It felt good, the warm water on my wounds, it made me peaceful and I needed that. I don't think I know anyone who would have done that for me...

My dad is dead, he was a teacher and was was sadly shot in a school shooting, and my mother is in a deep depression. I have to thank her in a way though. The only reason I haven't shot myself is because I know it would break her. My little brother has Autism. He's 3, and I've been helping alot - well, I've basically raised him... If I died, my mother wouldn't know to do. That's why I stay, for mommy.

The gifts Brian bought me, when I saw them lying on the ground, it was overwhelming. The kindness he was showing. He's always been kind, I realized in that moment, I just haven't cared enough about him to notice. It was horrible. How mean I've been, how rude and ignorant I'd acted towards him and the subculture he is venturing into.

I remember the day her dyed his hair black. I had laughed hysterically saying "You look like Santan's son, it's ridiculous." I had ruffled his hair and ignored his hurt expression. "Might as well shave it off." He'd turned away and mumbled "Might as well." And when he had came over wearing a long, black skirt covered in chains. I'd howled and asked if he was gay. And those boots of his. They made him tall. So very tall, I feel small and helpless around him. They way he stumbles around in them makes me smile. But maybe I need to feel helpless around him. I've had too much power in this relationship.

I don't know why I wanted to see Trenton again... Maybe to set him straight, maybe I thought I deserved the abuse. Whatever it was, I said I wanted him again. When Brian had offered to file a restraining order, I had broke inside. How mean I've been. All he wants is to help me. But I said "I want to see him again." He looked bewildered almost mad... I grabbed his hand and sat up. I looked at him. He was looking me over and asking if my head hurt. "No, no. It's fine." I kept his gaze and smiled. I fliched from a sudden pain and we both laughed. His smile is beautiful, almost perfect. I hugged him, breathing him in. He smelled of cheap deorderant, and something like ginger. "Thank you for the offer." I said.

I pulled away and he went and got me an ice-pack. As I lay ed down again, I hoped this was the start of our relationship growing stronger... I hoped this was the start of me being a strong link like him.