Made Strong | Yoongi Jiae

What's the harm? (UPDATED)

The fear of the videos existance began to fade after a few months. Jiae began to question herself, almost wishing something would actually happen. And what would she really do if they used it against her? She fantasised about maybe being a hero. Standing up for herself. Or even becoming a fearful bully that no one can touch. She even imagines herself groping yoongi like he had to her, as if she had the power over him, then taking evidence for herself. But she erased that thought quickly, feeling disgusted with her own thoughts.

Yoongi is absent, has been for weeks now. Maybe he's gotten sick again. Yoonji has been giving her the usual hurtful remarks. But nothing new or especially different was about her.

That was until a few days ago, when she suddenly punched jiae in the lip. She didn't see it coming, it was as if the punch had woken her up from her two month long trance. A ring on Yoonjis finger had cut her cheek open.

Jiaes parents didn't leave anything unnoticed. They saw the cut and were suspicious that it certainly couldn't be an accident. They jumped on the case, thier daughter unable to say anything to stop them. They didn't even bother to speak to her about it.

They found the truth by investigating the school. All too easily they were able to expel Yoonji. It had happened so quickly, and calmly. It almost felt like nothing had changed.

Now suddenly there were no bullies anymore.

And for a while she finally felt okay.
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After two weeks the hallways felt safer, despite the numbing quietness in her head.

Like any other day, classes rolled through as scheduled. Then on the 2nd period during math, there was an announcement.

The teacher looked briefly towards a desk that everyone knew belongs to yoonjis. He paused briefly, with thier hands clasped together, like it was something hard to say.

And then he finally says it. The room becomes silent.

If it was possible to feel more numb than before, now jiae feels even less. She just stares at a line on her book. Running the words in her mind over and over, trying to make sense of it all.

Min yoonji had committed suicide.
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She felt lost. She also felt sick. Thinking about all those times she's dreamed of yoonji dead in many different ways, over the years. And now that she is, can she be happy now?

The honest truth is, yes. Jiae is over the moon. And thats what makes her absolutely sick.

Her hands haven't stopped shaking since 2nd period, and her head hurt. So between classes she hid herself in the disabled bathroom. Panting from the shock. She paced back and forth, not knowing whether she should laugh, cry or throw up.

I hated that her. I hate her.

But why am I so mad??

Jiae began to humourlessly laugh to herself.

I'm happy? I'm happy!

I'm a monster, aren't I?

She groaned. Disbelieving in herself, and how messed up her feelings were right this minute. The sadness, the relief, joy, and anger. Even her loneliness, they dance frantically in her mind. All the rational explainions, and excuses, her avoidance of responsibilies, and close relationships. None of them stood out the most, but one feeling.

She is so guilty.

Fuck, she is guilty.

Yoonji is dead.

And Jiae, is guilty.

She rationalises with firm conviction though, that there was nothing that she could have done to become the cause for her death. She meant nothing to yoonji. She had no reason to feel responsible for anything.

But as she held her head in her hands, sitting on the toilet seat alone, she knew that that was far from the truth.
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Jiae arrives to class, completely skipping the last lesson she sat at her desk, acting as if nothing had just happened.

Suddenly she receives a txt message.

- can we please talk?

From an unknown number.

- I'm sorry who is this?

- it's kei
- I know about your parents, and that they got yoonji expelled
- don't worry, no one else knows
- I just wana let u know its okay

This was kind of strange, but jiae knew kei as a very nice girl in her language class.

- can we please meet at the back hall stair case? After school?

- uh, sure I can meet u there
- thank you

She guesses, what's the harm?
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Nearing the end of school, she contemplated whether or she should see kei or not. They weren't friends, but she was friendly enough of a person. But jiae was always scared of being in a complicated friendships with others, mostly because she was sure she would disappoint them.

At the end jiae made her way to the back hall staircase.

She could see an outline of a person under the stairs, and she approached them.

Suddenly she was pulled towards them. Arms circling her, and in the shaddow her eyes adjust to who she is seeing, revealing who this stranger is.

Min yoongi.
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