Too Late

Dear Daddy

He suffocated me but he didn't kill me. 

I don't if I should thank God, or hate God.

I just sleep. And as I sleep I think of the memories I have of my family. My father especially.  I remember when I used to live with my mother and father together, a family. A fucked up family at that. My mother would take care of me and my little brother but, my dad would go out drinking. 

My mother and father had me at a young age so I guess my father felt obligated to care for the family, even if he didn't provide money because all he did was drink and get high.

But one night we came home and my father was no where to be found and the money that was hidden in the cookie jar on the fridge was gone. My mother was crying so badly, because that was money she earned and worked for. It was our money so we could leave the awful place I had called home.

I hugged her and asked her what was wrong but she didn't like us to see her cry so she just told us to go watch TV in the living room. It was called the living room but, in this house you could hardly call it living. I sat my brother on the couch and  pressed the button to turn the TV on.  An explosion of noise comes from the TV. My father had put the volume all the way up and the static of the channel was roaring.

In that moment my father came through the door so drunk he could barley walk. He was calling "Cindy , Cindy", my mothers name. She came running to the kitchen because he came through the kitchen door and he grabbed her and she screamed for us to go to the room where the TV was roaring. I didn't care about the TV, I hid my brother in the closet and ran to my mother.

My father was throwing things, glass, jars, and plates. He even through my clay Winnie the pooh cookie jar, my favorite. He knew it too, what an ass

He screams " You wanted to leave, fine leave but, I will find you. I'll get you and the kids too."

My mother screams "I'm leaving but there is no way in hell I'm ever coming back!"

She turns to me "Honey go get some clothes for me , you and your bother"

I run but my father grabs me and my mother hits my father with a pan that had been on the stove the whole time. " Don't touch her, don't you EVER touch her!"

I grab the things and get my brother and run to my mom. She's watching my father who is laying on the floor passed out from the impact of the pan. I stare at the red in his face from the hot metal. "You deserve that and more"

I walk out with my brother and mom, we pass the room with no living and I press the button on the TV as I go by, the roaring stops. My mother had already opened the door to leave and was putting my brother in the car. 

I walk out the door and turn around, look inside the house, quiet for once. Then I slam the door.