We Were Screaming Silently
Not many have the chance to see me,
Unhinged like that,
But you did.
You saw me facing all of my problems,
Realizing my biggest dreams,
Screaming in an empty room which no longer belonged to me.
Your voice trembled over your lips,
Watching this monster I had become,
The arguments had gotten more frequent,
The breakups longer and longer.
And we were screaming,
Me and you screamed for each other,
My soul pounded the insides of my body,
Waiting for someone,
Anyone,
To help me.
You were a coward,
And I was just a lonely girl,
Sweeping the floor of an almost empty house while listening to terrifyingly haunting music,
But this is not a love poem,
In fact I think it might be quite the opposite,
This is about falling out of love,
Realizing that you're lonely even in the midst of the person you love the most,
That's pain,
And you watched as the person you claimed to love shoved herself off of the deep end,
Too scared and too weak to plunge in after her,
I'll never forgive you for that,
Along with other things like stolen kisses between you and girls that claimed to be my friends,
Along with the words said in my absence that made everyone hate me,
And I'd never know why they hated me,
But you kept that secret.
You will never gain my respect,
You will never again have my love,
Do you remember that day?
The day I shed so many tears over you and we sat in the grass talking about life and you were late because well, because you always are,
That was the day we fell out of love and into existence,
But neither one of us had enough courage to tell the other person otherwise,
I didn't because I thought I needed you so much,
And you didn't because you had never known that type of love.
I understand, but I will never,
EVER,
Forgive you.
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It's funny, almost. How one day you can love someone with all your heart and give them everything you have, and the next day be so done with them. That's bullshit. Love me or don't;leave my heart alone if you can't give me everything I deserve! No one obligated you to tell me you loved me, and I hate liars. So I hate you, and I hope you're reading this. I hope your new love tears your heart out, and I hope you have to suck up your dignity and come crawling back. I would still probably take you back though...
Maybe.
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So there you find yourself, in the arms of the second man this week. This isn't being a whore, you're just trying to feel loved again. Like you used to, like he used to...
You keep forgetting that no one can do you like him, but you're thinking maybe that's not what you want anyway.
He was perfect in every way, and he was yours, if only for a second.
You think you hate him, you think you're over him,
But if the thought of his lips on another girl still makes your bones hurt,
And you still feel a twinge in your stomach when you hear his name,
You still care.
And having sex won't help,
And another man won't help,
And ignoring it won't help,
You've got to face it,
Head on,
And once you do that,
One day you'll wake up, and it'll be better.
And you won't even give a fuck that he's moved on,
Even IF his new girlfriend looks like an ugly golden retriever,
And even IF you know you're better for him,
He'll come crawling back because he's weak,
And you'll have a nicer ugh because you're strong.
So knock em dead, girl.
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So don't ask.
Yes, I'm bitter,
With every right to be!
Yes, I'm broken,
But what about who broke me?
No, I'm not angry,
I'm happy with my fate,
Because it was God who took him,
And now my life can be great,
Yes, I'm very hopeful,
That we will meet again,
But on a different term it seems,
Maybe it will be friends?
Yes, it was my fault I guess,
But only for my protection!
Who wants a lover anyway,
That always has an erection?
No, I do not think of him,
Except in times like this,
I'll hear a funny joke or tune,
And sit back and just wish,
Yes, I know it's over now,
And I wish him all the luck,
And I'm sorry I couldn't be better,
And make him give a fuck,
I do not blame him tho,
I know I'm too much to keep,
But he needs to be much stronger,
For the one he has this week,
Yes, I am bitter,
With very right to be!
But can you really blame me?
That's what I've come to be.
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When he messages you,
At first you'll be happy,
Out of habit,
And then you'll realize he's still the dumb ass he used to be,
And then you'll tel him politely where he can shove his hello,
And you'll go on about your day.
I believe in you.
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Do guys even know that what they say stays in your head forever? Do they know that what they do can push you off the deep end? Do they know that they, themselves, have the ability to make or break you? Do they know that when a girl gives them her heart, he's not supposed to fucking break it? If they do, they absolutely, positively do not care.
