Jamie All Over

Chapter Thirteen: Last Time

Chapter Thirteen: Last Time

Everytime I and Nathalie will pass by, it seemed that we never happened. It seemed that none of us ever existed. It has been days since my last converation with her. Umuwi kaming hindi nag-iimikan. And that's how it ended. Tulad ngayon, we were inside the same room. Nasa loob kami ng apat na sulok ng kwartong 'to pero hindi ko siya maramdaman. Mas dama ko pa nga 'yung kung ano mang sinasabi nung Professor kong mukhang agad kinagiliwan ng mga kaklase ko dahil sa topic namin. It was Social Science and the topic is about one's belief in love. And the usual, kapag ganito ang topic ay halos nakikinig ang lahat but not her. She was busy doing something on her notebook. Iyon marahil ang napansin ni Miss Dela Cruz kung kaya't tinawag niya si Nathalie.

"So, Miss Green, how do you define 'love'," Nakangiti niyang tanong.

Nathalie stood still, unmoving habang nakatitig sa professor ko as if she just mentioned something she barely understand which she does.

"I beg your pardon?" Sabi niya. Miss Dela Cruz repeats herself and Nathalie mouthed 'oh' and then, again, she fell on her deepest thoughts.

"Love... uhm, it's a word, ain't it? A word made beautiful and ecstatic of those people who were into it. A word made enchanting by poets, writers, who were lost in the beauty of it. Love, for me, is just a word." For a moment, there was a deafening silence came across the room. Walang nangahas kahit isa na magsalita pagkatapos niyang ipahayag yung bagay na naglalaro sa isip niya. Lahat, pati ako, ay nakatingin lang sa kanya at naghihintay pa ng maaaring kasunod ng sagot niya.

Nadako ang paningin ko kay Miss Dela Cruz at nakita ko ang pagsilay ng ngiti sa mga labi niya na para bang ngayon lang siya nakarinig ng isang makabuluhang sagot sa taon-taon niyang pagtatanong niyon sa magkakaibang mukha.

She looked straight into Nathalie and she looked back. "How about the feeling?"

Nathalie tilted her head, one thing I noticed whenever she's thinking and she wants to provide a good answer to the question.

"It's painful." Simpleng sagot niya na nakapaghatid na naman ng nakakabinging katahimikan sa amin. Tinitigan ko siya at nakatingin lang siya sa kawalan, not sure of what she's thinking and at the back of my mind, I'm hoping that she's thinking of me, too.

"It's painful," Ulit ni Miss Dela Cruz, sounding not too convinced but since this is an open topic and she is trying to hear everyone's thought, she have to accept that. "Why is it pain----,"

"And it's scary." Putol ni Nathalie sa muling pagtatanong niya. Now, she looks like she was on the other side of this world. She looks at Miss Dela Cruz and my professor just signal her to go on. "Love is painful and it's scary. It's painful because... one day, in order for you to save the one you love, you will hurt them. It's not because you want to but because you have to. It's scary because, when you're all done saving the world, none of them will ever remember you. None of them will ever remember that once upon a time, you came and that you happened." Pagtatapos niya ng may malungkot na ngiti sa mga labi niya. Hindi ko maintindihan kung anong tumatakbo sa isip niya ngayon. Nakatayo lang siya at naghihintay ng maaaring itanong ng mga taong nakapaligid sa kanya.

"You have a nice thought, Ms. Green, but don't you think you look at love with so much sadness in your eyes?" Tanong ni Miss Dela Cruz. Once again, Nathalie eyed her and she smiled.

"Someday, you will understand." Simula niya, "Someday, when you're alone, you will understand. And if that someday comes, promise not to shed even a single tear." Nakangiting sabi niya. The conversation stop there. Everyone move out of the classroom with unspoken  words inside them. Natapos ang klase ng may mabigat na pakiramdam na dala ang bawat isa. Including me. Hindi ako agad lumabas at nanatiling nakaupo at nakatingin sa labas ng bintana.