The Fault In Our Phan

Part Two

Dan's POV----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

          Every day now Dan though more about Phil, but in a different way now. He noticed the slight smile Phil always seemed to have, or the ways his eyes seem to light up when he has an idea. Dan couldn't help himself from falling, he'd tried to resist the couple of days. It didn't work. HIs mind always went back to Phil. So he let himself continue to fall for Phil.

          But then there were the nightmares. He'd find Phil not breathing, like the first dream, or he'd watch a monitor in a hospital room go from a steady rhythm to a deafening drone. In those, he'd been holding Phil's hand and crying, sitting in a chair pulled close to the hospital bed. 

          He didn't go to bed very late anymore, instead he went to bed at the same time as Phil or sometimes a little later. But when he did go to bed, the nightmares would always come. Multiple times, he'd wake up to a pitch black room, sweating and panting. This happened last night, and he couldn't go to sleep for another hour, suffering night terrors.

          He broke out of his thoughts before he went into the depths of his mind and got trapped in another existential crisis. Instead, Dan focused on the video game now in front of him. It was dark outside; another day gone by. He knew he probably should get to bed soon, but escaping life through a video game seemed better. Then again, if he didn't go to bed, he'd have to face the dark again. Alone.

Phil's POV-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

          The next morning, Phil woke up earlier than Dan, as usual, and headed off to the kitchen to read the morning paper and start breakfast.

          An hour or so later, Phil heard the bathroom door close and a few minutes later the toilet flush, telling that Dan had gotten up. He'd finished eating the pancakes and bacon he'd made, and now he sat at the table working on the crossword in the newspaper.

          Dan stumbled into the kitchen and Phil looked up. Dan had gotten dressed but his hair was still a mess. Phil knew Dan was attractive, but he'd never really seen Dan like this until now. That's when he realized he'd been staring.

"Uh, breakfast is on the table," Phil finally said.

"Thanks," Dan replied.

           Phil still watched Dan as he got his plate and piled food on it, and he noticed things about Dan he never had before. How carefully he moved his hands, how beautiful he was even in the morning, how soft his hair looked, as if Phil could just run his hand through it.

          He looked away. He couldn't keep thinking about Dan this way. He couldn't help being in love with Dan, and he didn't know what to do.

          Dan sat down at the table one seat away from Phil and started eating. Phil went back to working on the crossword, trying to ignore his thoughts and feelings about Dan. But he couldn't.

          Later that night, after they'd recorded another DanandPhilGAMES video, Phil had gone back to his room to read before bed, and Dan had gone to his own to play video games and work on editing the video, probably planning on staying up later than him.

          But tonight, Phil couldn't read. All he could do was think about Dan and his secret . He'd have to tell Dan soon. Dan...Phil couldn't stop thinking about him. What if Dan didn't feel the same way? He doesn't. Does he? What if Phil dies, and Dan finds out the truth that way? What if Dan never finds out? Then he thought of something worse: what if Dan left him someday? What if Dan never feels this way about him, and leaves, and then never finds out the truth? I'm going to die, Phil thought, and Dan won't be here with me. Only then did he realize he was crying, and once he did he couldn't stop. The hot tears streamed down his face, and he started to sob uncontrollably.