I don't really have any experience in the world.
I have all of these thoughts and ideas,
but no experience to say whether they are worth thinking or not.
I have no experience with love, hate, longing, or depression.
I have no experience with life issues.
I don't really want any either.
Schools protect us from ourselves.
Parents keep us from trying new things.
Friends make us rethink our plans.
Siblings have us constantly in some type of mood.
And then there are those people that we have never met and may never meet and they influence us the most.
Our experiences depend on our influences.
My experiences have lead me to think so deeply that thinking becomes irrelevant.
Thinking causes relief and problems for me.
I need to stop thinking sometimes.
I've tried before and I have not found a single thing worth not thinking about.
Drama mostly.
I don't know where it come from but it pops up everywhere.
Who created the idea of drama?
Was it a cave man or an animal?
Was it a person who was discovering how to write?
But no one knows and that's alright with everyone because they don't think twice about it.
Have you ever thought about thinking?
Thinking things so bizarre that it can't be real or fake?
Sometimes I think so hard I cry and I don't know why I'm crying so I cry more until I suddenly just stop and no one notices I've been crying.
Have you met one of those people?
Those people who could be crying one second and laughing and joking around the next and it's like they never cried in the first place.
No red eyes.
No puffy cheeks.
No blotchy faces.
Just skin, eyes, and a smile that you cannot tell whether it's real or fake.
I have.
I see them everyday.
I am one of those people.
I found out when I was crying during a funeral.
I look in the mirror when I finished and the only evidence was wetness.
No red.
No puffiness.
No blotches.
It's kinda sad if you think about it.
I could be crying everyday and no one would be able to tell because there would be no evidence that I was crying in the first place.
My mom asked me why I don't cry anymore.
I wanted to tell her it was because she can't see the tears falling if you aren't looking up.
Instead I said it was because I had no reason to cry.
If only she knew I was crying at the kitchen table while she sat next to me at dinner.
If only people saw.
Then every person who could get away with crying wouldn't cry so much anymore.
I wish people saw sometimes.
We get away with so much because no one ever sees.
If only.
If only.
