UNENDING DOOM

The end...

I never thought that this would be the end. I'm not really sure if this was the end of a Chapter in my life, or the whole book.

A year ago I would have done anything to be where I am now, to be normal. At the moment, normal is just not what I want. Being normal is making me feel abnormal.

Lets' just say in the past one year-shit has happened...

However, this shit was the memories I made. I would not say wonderful memories, but they were memories that it this moment, this back to normal girl with no supernatural or inhuman past, would love to relive.

In the past I've always been a practical person. Ive always been told that I grew up too fast. When my age mates were dreaming about being rich and living in castles, I used to worry about my tests.

In short, I did not dream.

Instead I had nightmares.

Every single night of my life, I had the same freakin' nightmare. It was like a movie that started playing every time I fell asleep. A movie that could not be stopped paused or deleted. A movie that never ended or rather stayed at the same beginning every single time. A movie that made me scream almost every night of my entire life. A movie, whose end remained unknown...

As I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling. Lost in my universe of thoughts. I lay thinking of how not only have I changed, but every single thing related to me has changed too. I have a different view to everything now. I am a totally different person, though "person" is not really an appropriate word.

I have to get myself together. I need to go back to normal. I need to go to school and continue being the girl I used to be. It's just that going back to normal meant that I have to forget the past one year of my life. I have to erase these memories from my thoughts, my brain and most importantly, my heart. It means that I'll have to forget Andrew. I'll have to forget Christina, Rafael, Shawn, Clina, Jeff and so many others that I don't think I can forget.

I know erasing such a dominant part of my past is impossible. Even trying to do so will be useless. So I don't really think I'm ever going to get my life together. Never.

I'm not really a cheesy person, but right now I'm feeling empty, like a very important part of me is distant, and the worst part is that I know this feeling is going to be with me for eternity.

I am supposed to be happy. Mom always wanted this life for me. She gave up her life for me to have this normal life; her last wish was to take back this last one year far away from my life.

Mom who is not here with me anymore.

As I thought of this I felt a drop of tear run down my cheek.

I was alone now. Dad was never there with me and mom just left to join him. I don't even have a sibling. If only I still had Andrew, but I had left him and that part of my life far behind; at least that's what I was trying to make myself believe.

I'm suppose to start afresh I kept reminding myself. I'm suppose to start from a blank page, but erasing tall those infinite pages to come to that one blank page just did not seem right.

I don't have a choice. I had one before, but I chose my mother over myself. I chose being normal. I guess at that moment I just got swayed away by the fact that this was my mom's last wish- but right now, I so badly regret my decision.

Well, I have to get myself together. I have to turn this end to a new beginning. I have to try.