The Quiet Girl

Chapter 1

Rose

You learn in life to not talk but listen. Some take longer to learn than others and some never learn at all. I, on the other hand, learned that at a rather young age.

If you talk you could offend someone. You could say something you didn't really mean. Or you could say something you weren't supposed to.

So why bother? Why just not say a word at all? That's how I see it at least.

Yeah, my thoughts might be eating me alive, for I am trapped by all the words I dare not say, but at least I am not saying something that I will regret later on.

Plus, even if you do spill your guts about what you are thinking or feeling, you still let the thoughts eat you alive anyway.

You still second guess yourself or whack your brain trying to figure it out, whatever 'it' would be.

So I live by saying the least possible. Some wonder why and others could care less. Which most of them could care less.

It doesn't bother me no one cares about me, I'm used to it. So it's nothing new.

I couldn't say no one cares about me I have a friend. Yes, 'a' as in one.

And even she hardly knows me. Don't get me wrong, she is an amazing person but I don't tell her anything.

I have never told anyone anything and now it's a 'bad habit' so to say.

Maybe I'm afraid to be judged or to be hurt. Maybe I'm afraid once people learn about my past they will leave and leave me to deal with my problems alone.

But, once again, I'm used to dealing with my problems alone so it is nothing new.

Plus I don't want people feeling sorry for me. It is what it is and feeling bad for me isn't going to change the past.

Right now I am just trying to finish college and forget about everything.

My dream is to move to Paris and open a coffee shop where people can hang out. I will put in a mini library so people read or just hang around and chat.

I know what you are saying, 'why not just open on here?' I just want to get away from here, to get away from the haunting memories.

I have always wanted to go to Paris since I was young. I need to follow this dream. All my other dreams have been crushed or I have given up on them. Although, that will probably be how this dream ends too.

I am snapped out of my thoughts when I hear my professor calls out my name.

You've got to be kidding me. I thought to myself.

Mr. Michaels, my history professor, always insists I join in on class discussion. He is always calling on me and it's frustrating. I pay attention but I still hate being called on.

I stare at him. He was an older guy, should be retiring soon. He had white hair and thick glasses.

"I don't know," I said quietly.

Mr. Michaels sighed and repeated his question to someone else.

I felt a tap on my shoulder and I turned my head slightly. "You knew the answer. Why did you say you didn't know." Katie, my best friend, asked me.

I just shrugged and looked at the clock.

Good, only a few minutes left and my last class of the day is over. 

It's only a few weeks into the year and it already feels like we've been going to class for many months now.

Well, that's how going to school and now college always feels.