This Is Me

Chapter 2

I was 6 years of age the time my dad walked out on us. All he took was a suitcase of clothing... Nothing else. I was worried, where will he live, how will he survive. Once again my mom was sitting in the lounge crying. She's been crying non-stop for the past two weeks. She looks weak and fragile, she's pale as a ghost. I'm watching her as she wastes her life away, but then again, so am I. I stopped playing with my friend, I started sitting on my own at school. I would have sudden panic attacks at school, yes-At six years of I age I was having panic attacks. I would sit on the play ground and cry as I watch all the little girls being fetched by their dads as he squeezes them tight and kisses them softly.

It's has now been 3 weeks since I last saw my daddy, I missed him like crazy. Where is he? What is he doing? Is he really on a vacation? Is he ever going to come back? These are the questions that flooded my mind. Sometimes I wondered if he even still loved me, if he left because he just couldn't stand being around me. I hate this, I crave to be in my dads big arms, I crave to be called his little princess again... I don't know if that will ever happen again.

After 5 weeks my dad show up at the house. I was lost for words, I didn't run in his arms, I just stood and stared at him... As much as I missed him, I was mad at him. He left me and he left my mom, he doesn't show he's face in over a month, not even a phone call. Before I could question myself on whether to hug him or walk away, he was already holding me in his strong, tattoo covered arms.
"I missed you so much my princess, I'm so sorry daddy had to leave, I'm so sorry..." He was crying and so was I at this point.
"Do you still love me daddy?" I asked in a whisper
He stares at me as if I've lost my mind.
"Of course I love you angel, you'll always be my little princess."
"I love you too..." I say as I rest my head in the crook of his neck. I see my mom staring the window, he face emotionless. No trace of sadness, anger, relief... No sign of anything.
My dad holds my chin and keeps eye contact with me.
"Me and mommy already talked on the phone and we've arranged for you to sleep at my house this weekend."
Words could not describe how happy I was, my emotions were very up and down, but in this moment I've forgotten I was even angry at him. I rush in side, pack my bags and kiss my mom goodbye.
"Be a good girl, ok Micky..."
"I will mommy."
I hopped in my dads car and before long he had started the car and headed to my daddy's me house.

We talked about a lot of random stuff in the car and it almost felt like nothing had changed, like we were still one happy family. We got to my dads house, it was an apartment in Bluegale Estate, Kempton Park. It was actually quite pretty. It was very welcoming, there wasn't a lot of furniture but I thought it was beautiful. There was only one bed so my dad told me were sleeping together for a while, which I was ok with. I always slept between my mom and dad in their bed so I kind of liked the idea of cuddling up to my dad.

It was now 9:27pm, we spent the night watching Fast and Furious, eating junk food and playing PlayStation. I put on my pajamas and climbed into bed as did my dad.
"Goodnight my pretty princess."
He kissed me on the lips... He always does but this felt different, it was sloppy and wet. I've never had anyone kiss me with tongue before... But I didn't think anything of it, maybe he's just excited to have me over for the weekend. The he put his arm around me... Once again not as he normally does. He's hand was very, very low. His fingers touching my private part ever so slightly. This is weird, what's happening? What's is he doing? I just ignored it and fell asleep.